Variation

by Rebecca Yarros

“Hudson is the Death Star, and that woman is Luke, about to blow his ass up.”

I’d instinctively known if I ever got my hands on her, I’d never let go.

“I’m not breaking up with Allie. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever, if I get a say. Letting her go was the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life, and I’ll be damned if your inability to pull your head out of your ass is going to cost me the only chance I have with her.”

“So while sure, it makes me jealous that there are a couple of guys here who have seen you naked, I actually feel sorry for them because they’ll never have you again.” I tugged her close and let the words fly like the revelation they were. “But I will. First means nothing. Last means everything

“And you’d better be ready to fold yourself into her life, because the only time ballerinas bend is onstage.” “I’ll fold,” I promised, my voice lowering. “I’ll turn myself inside out if it means I get to be hers.”

He was everywhere, his ocean-salt scent in my lungs, his voice in my ear, his touch imprinted on my skin. I was constantly torn between putting as much space between us as possible, and yanking him closer.

“I want all of you. No masks. No walls. No more pretending what’s between us is fake when we both know it’s excruciating, and terrifying, and amazingly real. I want more than five minutes.”

“You’re using this as a way to run, and I’m saying I’ll use it to keep you.”

He drowned out the noise of the outside world by becoming the center of mine.

If at any time Caroline acts like a sour fish, treat her like one and toss her ass in the lake.”

“You don’t have to handle everything on your own, Allie. You can be scared, and you can love Juniper even if it’s messy. Messy is good, love. Messy is where the best parts of life happen. You don’t have to be in control at all times. It’s okay if you fall apart. I promise I will be right here to put you back together if you just let me.”

felt Hudson everywhere. He was in the very marrow of my bones, the breath in my lungs, the demanding beat of my heart—they were all his.

“Not just Juniper.” He cupped the back of my neck and leaned into my space. “You, Allie. You scared the shit out of me. Do you have any idea what you mean to me? You’re my air. And I know you don’t even want to think about going there when it comes to us, that you need things all neat and tidy, but I’m already there. Messy. Tangled. So wrapped up in you that I couldn’t breathe in that ER because I needed to be here with you.”

“I’m in love with him.” She scoffed. “Maybe you can’t comprehend the emotion, but it’s when you would give up everything for that person’s happiness. When their smile is essential to your heartbeat. When you know the gnarled, darkest, ugliest parts of each other, and you don’t turn away.”

“I love you. I’m always going to love you. This is me holding on. I don’t want five minutes—I want a lifetime.”