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“A giant grizzly bear broke into my house. He broke some stuff, but I chased him away.” That sounds better. Nikolai’s brows raise. My arms move as I shrug. “What? That’s better than the real thing.” Lara giggles. “I know it isn’t true. But you’re funny. Can you tell me another?” Nikolai pats my leg and stands. “We’ll be back. Keep her company.” “I promise. For eternity.”
Just because we were thrown together as kids, doesn’t mean I’d have to enjoy my time with her like I do. She’s my person. Easy to be around. She doesn’t judge me. I can be myself.
With all of his crazy, he brings me calm. When he crashes into my life daily, I get so lost in his unpredictability and his deranged humor, I can forget about the anxious gnawing which always seems to exist in my belly.
Sometimes I wish we were something more than close friends. But I screw up every romantic relationship I’ve ever been in. I’d rather have this much of Alexei than to mess it all up and have none.
There is not a future where I am not here with her. It doesn’t exist. I won’t let it.
“You don’t look at her like you’re just friends.” “Fine. We’re best friends. Just don’t tell Niki, he will get all jealous, okay?”
I don’t know a world without her. She’s always there. It’s me who goes. Off on jobs. Off on adventures. Lara is where I leave her. She’s my anchor. My base.
But Alexei, he’s always been there for me. And I might not survive to see him again. I swear, if I get out of here, I’m going to do something wild. Show him that there could be more between us. The thought of being without him terrifies me.
She is all I see, all I’ve ever seen. I willingly gave up my soul to her a long time ago, because she is my person in this world. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I really, really, want to kiss her. Fuck it. One kiss won’t ruin what we have.
The second his lips touch mine, sparks fire through me. I let him take charge, he tastes like cherry sweets and sin. Like everything I've always dreamed of.
I’ll take any piece he’s willing to give me, until he finally realizes what I’ve known this whole time. We were always destined to be more than friends.
As my lips press against hers, my entire being is set on fire. This was worth the wait. My first kiss had to be with my pchelka.
“Promise me something, pchelhka,” I whisper, my heart hammering against my chest. “What’s that?” Her breath hits against my lips and my cock is pressing against my zipper. “That this doesn’t change what we have. We never lose each other, no matter what.”
A life without him? Impossible. The second he walks into my space my world goes silent, in the best possible way. The doubt, the self loathing, the pain. It all dissipates, and my mind and body are at peace.
Alexei is the calm I crave in the mayhem of my mind.
“To me, that kiss could never be. To you? This might be the biggest mistake you’ve ever made, pchelka.” “What do you mean?” Never. That’s what I meant to say. “I-I don’t know if I can stop. This might have taken my addiction to you a step beyond something we can go back from.”
She was wrong. I always see her. It’s as if she’s the only light in the room. She’s my focus. I can see how broken she is.
She’s the reason I drag myself out of bed each morning. The reason I make sure I don’t actually get myself killed. My first thought of the day and my last is always her. In fact, there probably isn’t a minute where she isn’t on my mind.
“But you don’t trust my words? When I say you’re beautiful, I mean it. I may be many things, Lara. A liar is not one of them, especially to you.”
I don’t know how much longer I can wait to make him realize that we are an end game. That I am simply madly in love with him. I want him as more than a friend and I know he feels this too.
There is no other man for me. I just need to work out how to get him.
Call me delusional, but the fact he’s stalking me means he’s obsessed with me. Just like I am with him. I can’t be mad about that.
We’re either going to create a storm and demolish everything, or we will dance in the rain together.
“The only way I’ll be ruining you is for every other man. You are mine, Lara Volkov.”
“Looks like I’ll have to keep going, and going, until I am the best.” He licks his lips. “Or maybe you already are, because it’s you.”
“I love you, pchelka. It’s you. It’s always been you. It will always be you.”
“I’ve been in love with you for a long, long time, Alexei. Please never stop being you. Never stop making me laugh, or being your crazy self. I love you for everything you are. And I’ll love you until I take my last breath.”
“Yes. All of it. All of your crazy, Alexei. I don’t love you despite it, I love you for it.”
“I’m asking you to fall with me, Lara. If we crash and burn, so be it, at least we know we tried everything we could for our love. So please baby, I’m begging you, take the chance on us.”
“Maybe we don’t need fixing, maybe we were always meant to be broken together, pchelka.”
I am her safe space and I will protect her, even from the demons in her head.
“You are Lara fucking Volkov. The beauty, the brains and the heart of the family. I have loved you for a long time and I will love you for eternity. I’d love you if you became a flamingo, I’ll love you when you’re gray and wrinkly. I love you even now when you wake up and breathe on my face with your hair piled up on the top of your head. You can’t see you’re perfect, I probably will never truly understand why, but I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how magnificent you are to me. That I promise you.”
Now be a good girl and come and marry your man. I’ve waited long enough for this.
