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Hitting the garage opener, I motor in and park my bike just as my phone pings. Accident on the Vegas strip. Hmm. Glad I missed that, I was just there.
When I have a thought, I want to say it. I shouldn’t have to hold it back, but they expect me to. Or look at me strangely when I tell them something that is so obvious to me. I’m not weird, they are. But I have to hide what’s in me.
No one compares to my Lara. It makes me want to murder the men that upset her.
I don’t know a world without her. She’s always there. It’s me who goes. Off on jobs. Off on adventures. Lara is where I leave her. She’s my anchor. My base. Tears stream down my face as the struggle starts to leave my body.
“Oh. I’m sorry for the confusion. You misunderstood ‘get fucked and die’.” I throw my free arm over my eyes.
It’s been two days since Lara was taken. I haven’t slept. I haven’t eaten. Candy isn’t as sweet. The thought of a cowboy makes me almost cry because we can’t finish Yellowstone together.
That makes me pause. I’ve never fucked Lara. It was always something I thought was against the rules. Would I want to? Yes. But do I want to risk losing her over it? No. I’d stay celibate forever for her.
My feet slip on the small metal dowels that fell out of the cabinet. “What are those?” Jax bends over and picks up one of the thin utensils. “They look like shish kabob sticks.” I stare at him blankly. “Explain? Is that English?” Jax smiles and shakes his head. “No. Well, it is, but I don’t think it is? Shit. You put meat on these and roast them. Veggies too.” He holds one over a dead burner and pretends to turn it over. “See?” All I see are thousands of thin stabby devices.
The clown without his makeup groans again. “You’re psychotic.” I take one of the sharp tools and carve a star into his chest. “Lara taught me something recently.” I move closer so I can talk in a whisper. “She showed me my birth chart. You know, the thing that says the planets and the signs?” His dark eyes fix on me. “What the hell are you talking about?” “My sun is Scorpio, and moon Sagittarius.” I proclaim loud enough that Jax can hear me too. Picking up another prod, I shove it between the bones of his wrist until it sticks out the other side. “According to her, I am unhinged. But on the
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She is all I see, all I’ve ever seen. I willingly gave up my soul to her a long time ago, because she is my person in this world. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I really, really, want to kiss her. Fuck it. One kiss won’t ruin what we have.
“One more kiss won’t ruin everything, right?” I whisper. It could destroy our friendship. But I’m taking this moment. I’ll take any piece he’s willing to give me, until he finally realizes what I’ve known this whole time. We were always destined to be more than friends. “Nothing could ever tear us apart.” He confirms.
As my lips press against hers, my entire being is set on fire. This was worth the wait. My first kiss had to be with my pchelka.
I saw her first kiss, with Vlad. She was seventeen and I followed him home. I wanted to slit his throat. I didn’t. Only because he made her smile. But then when he made her cry two weeks later, I made him pay and toasted marshmallows as I burned his corpse.
He doesn’t understand, no one does. I’d die for this woman.
“To me, that kiss could never be. To you? This might be the biggest mistake you’ve ever made, pchelka.”
How is someone as messed up as I am supposed to love or be loved? I’m crazy, not stupid. I know she deserves better than me. The thought is a stab through my very soul.
All I wanted was her to be happy, yet, I was the one breaking her. Making her think she was a goddamn maybe of this world. She isn’t. She’s the reason I drag myself out of bed each morning. The reason I make sure I don’t actually get myself killed. My first thought of the day and my last is always her. In fact, there probably isn’t a minute where she isn’t on my mind.
I want to crawl into bed with Lara and cuddle. I can’t, but I want to.
Before he has time to turn back to me, I jab the knife tip where the tattoo is. V marks the spot today.
I can’t type in the numbers, damn blood on my fingers. Using my nose to press the buttons, I dial Enzo.
Okay, she’s fine. I can’t stand here any more or I’m going to be jacking off in her bushes. And that’s probably when the intruder would show up. Hard to fight one handed.
“You can’t just throw the poor thing out? What if Sheila comes home, I bet she would love a best friend. I know I love mine.”
I’d die for her, I’m obsessed with her, is that love?
Keeping my distance from the bird, I head upstairs into Alexei’s room, except this time, when I look at his bed, I think about him pushing me to my knees and calling me his good girl.
Nikolai and Mikhail would kill me if I went there again. Yet, every time I smell her Chanel perfume, or she smiles at me, all I can picture is bending her over and sinking inside her. I’ve never done any of that before, but I think about it often with Lara. It’s always her. I bet her pussy tastes even sweeter than her lips, and her moans are as incredible as the sound of her laughter.
She opens her mouth and snaps it shut. Cute. This is the first time I’ve had her speechless.
Call me delusional, but the fact he’s stalking me means he’s obsessed with me. Just like I am with him. I can’t be mad about that.
I think her little show was for me. Dan? Who the fuck is Dan?
“The only way I’ll be ruining you is for every other man. You are mine, Lara Volkov.”
The only woman ever on my mind for the last twenty years is Lara. I have been too completely and utterly consumed by her, obsessed with her, to even look at another woman. Let alone touch one. I wholeheartedly belong to her. My woman.
“You look so fucking pretty bouncing on my cock.”
“Because I was made for your pleasure, Lara. It’s simple. I’m good at making you come, because I’m obsessed with you. I’ve spent my life figuring you out. And apparently, this was the real reason.”
I’m a man who has discovered sex in his thirties, and now wants to fuck her in every way she desires.
“You’re my good girl. You’ve always been, pchelka. Now it’s time to prove it.”
Lara, This is just the start of the last year of your twenties. And this is just the beginning of our new chapter. I’ll see you later for the rest of your gifts. If you thought you were spoiled as my friend, wait until you see what happens when you’re mine completely. You make me so happy, baby. Love, Alexei, Sheila, and Bruce. (Sheila is still warming up to you)
“You better not be doing stupid shit with that bike again,” Lara hisses next to me. I only smashed up one motorcycle. Oh, and her car.
“Looks like I’ll have to fuck that attitude right out of you, baby. Question is, with my fingers, tongue or cock?”
“I think it’s about time you gave me a hand necklace,” I whisper and lick my lips as I watch his reaction. His brows furrow in a look of confusion. “Explain, is this another English term?” “Choke me, Alexei. Your hands become my necklace.” I can feel my cheeks get hot. He gives me a little smirk and dives his fingers in deeper.
“I’m the Enterprise Bunny.” I whisper. She laughs much louder than the joke warrants. “Don’t you mean “Energizer” Bunny?” she giggles. I’m confused. “What is the difference?” “One goes to other planets, the other just keeps going.” She smiles and ruffles her fingers through my hair.
I’m struggling to wrap my own head around it. She’s so perfect as she is. No matter what her weight is. I’ve never looked at her any different, to me she is always my beautiful girl. The one who stole my heart.
“Most recently. Well, now. I was thinking about how much I love Lara Volkov. And how beautiful and perfect she is in every single way. Far far too good for a brute like me. Except, I could never let her go so she’s stuck with me loving her… for eternity.”
I dive at her, tickling her sides as I lift her effortlessly, so she straddles my lap. Bad move. Dick engaged.
“You wanna go skydiving with me? Steal more flamingos? Wash the blood out of my hair? Hide the bodies with me? Let me eat you out on my bike whenever I need to?” She bites down on her lip. “Yes. All of it. All of your crazy, Alexei. I don’t love you despite it, I love you for it.”
She pulls away breathless and traces her nail along my throat. “Now, did you say something about eating me out on your bike?” I lick my lips. “Damn right.”
“Everything around me always falls apart and you know what I do? I starve myself to feel some sense of normalcy. Sometimes I don’t eat for days and work out until the room spins, but all I can hear is my father telling me I don’t look good enough for a man to marry. Every first date never turns into a second and now, I’m so in love with the one man I can’t openly be with, why? Because my brothers control my damn life. Maybe it’s for the best we just go back to being friends. I ruin everything.”
“Lara Volkov. I’ve been in love with you for what feels like my whole life. My loyalty may be with your brothers, my heart, that’s all yours, baby. And that comes first, even before my own life. That will never change. What we have, it’s forever. There is no end. We don’t hide. I would be nothing more than honored to be your man to everyone in the outside world, your brothers included. But it’s a risk.”
“Never. My love for you is my fuel, one spark and I can set the world on fire. Our love is forever. No beginning, no end. Infinite.”
“I mean it. You are my crazy sparkle of light, Alexei. No matter how dark it gets, you are always there to brighten my life. If I didn’t have that, I would have given up a long time ago. Your love keeps me alive.”
“You are Lara fucking Volkov. The beauty, the brains and the heart of the family. I have loved you for a long time and I will love you for eternity. I’d love you if you became a flamingo, I’ll love you when you’re gray and wrinkly. I love you even now when you wake up and breathe on my face with your hair piled up on the top of your head. You can’t see you’re perfect, I probably will never truly understand why, but I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how magnificent you are to me. That I promise you.”
