Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

by Emily Nagoski

Physical activity is the single most efficient strategy for completing the stress response cycle.

Casual but friendly social interaction is the first external sign that the world is a safe place.

One thing we know for sure doesn’t work: just telling yourself that everything is okay now. Completing the cycle isn’t an intellectual decision; it’s a physiological shift.

Wellness happens when your body is a place of safety for you, even when your body is not necessarily in a safe place.

Positive reappraisal involves recognizing that sitting in traffic is worth it. It means deciding that the effort, the discomfort, the frustration, the unanticipated obstacles, and even the repeated failure have value—not just because they are steps toward a worthwhile goal, but because you reframe difficulties as opportunities for growth and learning.3

When it rains, look for Rainbows. When it’s dark, look for Stars.”

What are the benefits of continuing? What are the benefits of stopping? What are the costs of continuing? What are the costs of stopping?

That’s the power of meaning. We can tolerate any suffering, if we know why. And not knowing why is, itself, a profound type of suffering.

A meta-analysis of the relationship between “purpose in life” and health found that greater sense of purpose was associated with a 17 percent lower risk of all-cause mortality.10 And these benefits can be gained through active intervention.

We’re not saying that “beautiful” is what your body should be; we’re saying beautiful is what your body already is.

You deserve respect and love; you deserve to be cherished. You deserve kindness, right now, just as you are. Not when you lose ten pounds, or a hundred. Not when you get a promotion or finish your degree or get married or come out or have a baby. Now.

“Happiness is predicated on ‘happenings,’ on what’s occurring, on whether your life is going right, and whether all is well. Joy arises from an internal clarity about our purpose.”1 When we engage with something larger than ourselves, we make meaning; and when we can resonate, bell-like, with that Something Larger, that’s joy. And because our Something Larger is within us, no external circumstances can take away our source of joy, no matter the “happenings” around us.