Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

by Emily Nagoski

In short, emotions are tunnels. If you go all the way through them, you get to the light at the end. Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion.

We thrive when we have a positive goal to move toward, not just a negative state we’re trying to move away from.

Physical activity is the single most efficient strategy for completing the stress response cycle.

By this point in the chapter, you know that dealing with the stressor and dealing with the stress are two different processes, and you have to do both. You have to, or else your stress will gradually erode your well-being until your body and mind break down.

If you’re hiding from your life, you’re past your threshold. You aren’t dealing with either the stress or the stressor. Deal with the stress so you can be well enough to deal with the stressor.

Positive reappraisal involves recognizing that sitting in traffic is worth it. It means deciding that the effort, the discomfort, the frustration, the unanticipated obstacles, and even the repeated failure have value—not just because they are steps toward a worthwhile goal, but because you reframe difficulties as opportunities for growth and learning.3

Part of recovering from a loss is turning toward your grief with kindness and compassion, as well as completing the cycle of stress brought on by failure. But another part is recognizing failing’s unintended positive outcomes.

What are the benefits of continuing? What are the benefits of stopping? What are the costs of continuing? What are the costs of stopping?

(1) Complete the cycle, to deal with the stress itself. (2) Use planful problem-solving and positive reappraisal, to keep your Monitor satisfied. And (3) engage with your Something Larger, which will heal Human Giver Syndrome.

This grotesque discrimination means that it is dangerous to be a fat person in the world—not because of the fat, but because of the daily discrimination, exclusion, and stigmatization.

People who don’t trust or are untrustworthy are energy drains.

“Hello, worry. You’re here because the things I do really matter to me, and you want to make sure I don’t fall short. But you and I both know that if I don’t get the rest, I’ll do a crappy job at all these things that matter.”

“I used to think it was selfish to prioritize sleep, but then I realized the opposite was true. The people I love and the work I care about deserve me at my best, not exhausted and cranky and unfocused.”

As Brené Brown says, “Guilt is, ‘I made a mistake.’ Shame is, ‘I am a mistake.’ ”

The difficulty of imagining ourselves with the knowledge, expertise, and strengths we will gain in the future can stop us entirely from moving toward that future.