A driving force behind our flight, fight, freeze, and fawn responses to conflict is our preoccupation with being understood. When our partners overlook, minimize, or dismiss our feelings or thoughts, we tend to work hard to get them to understand us. We might become louder and more expressive, saying, “That’s not what I said.” “That’s not what I meant.” “You’re not listening to me.” Our hurt from feeling misunderstood fuels the conflict. We have distress in our bodies because we feel disconnected (and we crave connection). We may end up feeling stuck in tense misalignment. Being preoccupied
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