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by
Ben Stuart
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August 5 - August 10, 2025
We must date prayerfully. Why begin here? Because with prayer we invite the God of the universe into the process with us. And resting in the sovereign love of God takes the desperation out of dating.
Do you trust God with your dating life? He is not only strong enough to guide your story, he is compassionate enough to want to take your fears from you.
When I get that vertical connection clear—a connection with the strong God who is loving—then I can see people as precious creations in his image, not to use but to honor. Then, as a part of honoring people, provide clarity.
When John tried to succinctly describe Jesus, he kept coming back to the refrain that he was “full of grace and truth.” We should all strive for this: graciously speaking the truth to one another.
Dating is not a way of maximizing benefits and minimizing obligations. It is not romantic to waste each other’s time. Date to evaluate, and evaluate as quickly as you can but as long as it takes.
Paul stated here that as we intersect with one another, our words and actions should build up others so that they might be more like Jesus. This includes while we are on dates with another.
You want the net effect of your presence in any relationship to be that the other person is better—trusts and loves God more as a result of your presence in his or her life.
Discerning someone’s motives can be very difficult. However, we can observe someone’s choices. The trail of our choices leads to what we ultimately value.
If you’re a Christian, then Jesus has given you your ultimate cause: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37−39). This shapes how we spend money, how we spend our time, how we treat strangers, how we handle those who have hurt us, what values we impart to our children, and how we speak to those we love.
I tell Christians all the time, if you sift your dating pool with the previously discussed criteria of a God-glorifying cause and a Christlike character, you have eliminated just about everyone.
The tragic reality from these responses leapt off the page: we do to others that which we do not want done to us. This is the opposite of the way of Jesus.
Then refuse to indulge in rose-colored thinking about the past. Guy Winch encourages his clients to keep a list on their phones of all the reasons why they broke up. When the first hints of nostalgic thinking emerge, he directs his patient to immediately pull out the list and read it. Speak the whole truth to your sentimental side.
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that 56 percent of their divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in online pornography. The association’s president commented, “Eight years ago, pornography played almost no role in divorce in this country.”
Some have begun to advocate cohabitation as a means of courtship. The belief is that a season of “testing” each other as roommates and sexual partners will lead young people to ultimately find and maintain the right marriage partner. But research overwhelmingly shows how cohabitation actually undermines relationships. Only one in five cohabiting relationships end in marriage.
Sex is not just physical. It is a bonding. And herein lies another great modern problem. Many young men are bonding not with a person but with a screen. That intense dopamine rush bathing the brain when a man looks at pornography reinforces the behavior.
Doidge relates that many of the men he treated had become so dependent on the intensity of extreme explicit imagery to arouse them that they have essentially fried the circuitry so that they are no longer sensitive to normal or slow-building stimuli like romance or dating.
“Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality” (Ephesians 4:19 NIV).
“Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? . . . The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray” (Proverbs 5:20, 22–23).
Lust, when all is said and done, just wants to use someone for selfish benefit. Love sacrifices for the beloved. They are opposites.
We must know that our battle against lust is not a battle for acceptance, but a battle from a place of acceptance.
God cares about your love life. He cares about who you marry. You are not alone as you deal with your desire to be married. God is invested in your life and he cares about families.
Many of us can trust God with a lot of stuff, but when it comes to marriage we’re scared to death he’s going to do something terrible to us: we’ll never meet someone, or if we trust God to provide a husband we will have to wait forever and then the guy will be weird or not at all what we want.
Are there some great guys at the bar or on Hinge? I am sure there are. Yet, you have diluted the pool significantly. Your probability of finding someone who is passionately pursuing the things of God just went way down.
In the same way, you can find a solid believer on Hinge, but you’re far more likely to find one if you are involved in Christ-exalting churches or ministries in your city. So get involved in those places.
Gentlemen, if you want to find a girl like this, she is probably not just sitting out there somewhere in the church. She’s probably on a serve team. Ladies, this kind of man is probably out there working with the ministries that are making a difference in your city. You want a good one? Go to the well. Go where they’d be working hard at the things that matter.
Proverbs 19:22 states, “What is desirable in a man is his kindness” (NASB).
Is the guy you are attracted to impatient? Is he a bad listener? Is he selfish with his money? Do you think he will suddenly become a scent of sweetness when you get older? That is unlikely.
They spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
In short, those who depend upon the grace of God and take his Word seriously have considerably stronger marriages. It is wise to listen to the Creator’s intent for marriage. People who walk through marriage in accordance with God’s design find that his ways work.
The selfishness and passivity of men has given rise to an incalculable amount of human suffering in our world. Ladies, you want a man who feels a sense of responsibility under God to care for his family.
So many young people I know are afraid of marriage because they are afraid of being hurt. But when you find someone who wants to honor God in every way they treat you, that crippling fear can be replaced with confident faith.
Marriage is a team. It is a partnership; a union. Your marriage will only be as strong as your mutual commitment to a common vision.
Do you want God to be glorified through Jesus Christ? Then you can use whatever you have been given by God to serve others! That may look like speaking, but it may also look like serving. Both are legitimate and necessary.
They were ready to serve with what they had at any moment, and they were still ready to serve more than a decade later. They were a faithful couple. You may change cities—they moved from Rome to Corinth, to Ephesus, to Rome, and back to Ephesus—but you never change missions.
Your marriage is safest when it is on mission. Our marriages are a picture of Christ’s love for his church, and our marriages are a pursuit of Christ’s purposes on earth. Our marriages are a mural and a mission.
When a man does not submit to God, the next most God-like thing in his life assumes the role. Often that is himself. Then the pursuit of life becomes: What will bring me maximum pleasure? When men think like this, often women and children are exploited. Look around the world today where lawlessness reigns. Who suffers? Women and children.
But the men suffer as well. To exploit human beings like this, they must first lose aspects of their humanity, namely, their concern for others. Their instincts to cherish and protect must be numbed or seared. In the end, they become less human.
Ascend to the role of deity in your life and you actually lose your humanity. You become a wild animal controlled by lust. This...
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Men in Rome held marriage in low esteem. Several ancient correspondences contain their laments about the hassle of caring for a woman.2 Sex was widely available through prostitutes in the city and a loose morality in men. Why promise to care for one woman if I can have sex with many without any obligation?
When men’s sexuality goes unchecked, women and children lose. Ultimately, so do men and so does society.
Why did so many Romans flock to what had initially been seen as a dangerous cult? Because they saw in Christianity a way of navigating life, love, and sexuality that allowed all to flourish. Men, women, and children were happier and healthier. Families were places of life. Sexuality was governed by love, not lust. Women and men mutually honored one another.
Submit your singleness, your sexuality, your spouse, and your soul to the Lord Jesus Christ. He is a good guide. Trust him, and he will lead you in a good way.
