“I’ll be lying in my lonely, cold bed every night. Bored. Sad. Did I already say horny? Well, it bears repeating. I will jerk off so much that the skin of my dick will get all raw. And then I’ll get an infection and die.” He blinks as he stares at me. For the longest time, he doesn’t say anything at all. “That’s… What the ever-loving fuck?” he finally says. I nod. “A tragic story. But you can prevent that from happening. Use your powers for good and save me from the clutches of an untimely, excessive masturbation-related death.”
