Give Me Butterflies (Oaks Sisters, #1)

by Jillian Meadows

To the chronic apologizers: let that shit go. Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault. Don’t apologize for things you don’t regret. And definitely don’t apologize for who you are.

okay... ME

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Anyone with anxiety knows that someone telling you not to worry is about as helpful as a hangnail.

amen.

We are microscopes versus telescopes. Smiles versus scowls. Warm versus frigid.

He seems to remember his hands are around my arms and quickly drops them, making me stumble back a step. He spreads his fingers wide, flexing them by his sides before shoving them in his pockets.

mr.darcy core ;))

May his socks get wet the next time it rains. May his window never roll all the way up, so it makes an annoying whistling sound as he drives for all eternity.

lol

She’s glowing all the time, illuminating everything around her, and the blazing light feels like a third-degree sunburn for a man who has been in the dark for too long.

Once I’m free of their clutches, they roll toward each other, Eloise’s head landing right beside Avery’s. I pull my phone out of my pocket and take a picture of them.

cryinggg

My soul was a wasteland after I left him. Just dusty soil where he had ripped every flower out from the roots and left no life. No color.

The coppery taste of blood hits my tongue, reminding me of how aggressively I’ve been chewing on my lip. Flipping down the mirror, I use a napkin from the glove box to stop the bleeding.

ohhh the struggles of anxiety 🥺

“Oops,” she says, observing the spots on my lenses. She puts her delicate hand on my arm and leans toward me on her tiptoes. My heart speeds up. I watch her perfect mouth as she puckers her lush lips and gently blows the flour from my glasses.

i’m sorry.. millie WHAAATT 😋🥵

My chest tightens, as though someone has taken hold of it and squeezed. Something about watching them together is so . . . right that it leaves me breathless.

“Don’t feel like you should have to go through life apologizing for things you didn’t do. Sometimes you don’t even need to apologize for things you did do. And you absolutely don’t need to apologize for my shitty parents.”

She runs to me, and I squat to catch her as she buries her face in my neck, her tears wetting my skin. She came to me, trusting that I could offer her comfort. I run my fingers through the tips of her hair, and my lips part in surprise when she calms down.

Eloise isn’t there. Instead, I find her curled up in Millie’s lap, sound asleep with her face pressed into Millie’s neck. My breath catches for a moment because Eloise looks so right there. Comfortable enough to go to sleep without me, safe in Millie’s arms.

“Sometimes I think about those butterflies on your dress the day you spilled coffee on me.” He leisurely glides his fingertip along my collarbone, and the featherlight touch leaves a flushed trail of heat in its wake. When he reaches the hollow of my throat, he makes a soft circle there.

*swoons*

“I haven’t done anything for you.” The backs of my eyes burn as I try to convince him I don’t deserve this. He looks down at me with knitted brows. “You’ve done . . . everything. So much more than you know.”

“I’ve been wanting you since I saw you in that elevator the very first time,” he whispers. “Then you came here and lit up our house and our life, and I think I’m addicted to it.” His grip on my knees tightens, like he can’t help it.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” Her leg stills and she lifts her brows. “Pretty sure I leave my Fridays open for you now.” My heart swells. “Well, I have a surprise idea if you’re interested.” “Perfect. I miss my girls.” And that’s all it takes. My heart reaches the point where it won’t fit in my chest anymore.

But as I start the last half of the lullaby, Millie’s gentle, bright voice joins my rough, low one in the most beautiful harmony I’ve ever heard.

Finn leans against the headboard, shirtless but still wearing his glasses, with his hair a little mussed, and I can confirm that it’s the sexiest thing a man could possibly do.

HELL YES IT IS!!

“Let’s go through them one at a time,” he says. Explain what’s raging through my anxiety-ridden brain? Where do I even start?

the reassurance :’))

“It’ll be perfect. I want to meet your people so they can be my people too.”

“Team Edward, but I have a very special place in my heart for Jacob.” “You think sneaking into a girl’s room to watch her sleep is okay?” “Maybe I do, given the right circumstances. Like, is he a sexy vampire? Then, yes. Does he sparkle? Then, yes.” I turn on my heel and walk out the door. “I didn’t take you for a girl who likes stalkers,” he says, following close behind me and pinching my hip lightly. “I didn’t take you for a guy who knew anything about Twilight, but I guess we all have our secrets.”

millie is me, i am millie.

“That’s Lyra, Avery’s middle name.” He moves a little lower. “There’s a small cluster right there. That’s Delphinus, the dolphin. Eloise’s middle name is Delphi.” His voice cracks on the edges as he adds, “Clara surprised me with that the day they were born.”

“Yes. I brought you here to show you the stars and kiss you until you forget them.”

I’ll never forget this view. Millie’s curves in my hands as she straddles me, stars sprinkled across the universe behind her.

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this, but I now have the privilege of knowing her this way. It’s rewriting my DNA. Making my heart beat just for her.

That’s all we can offer anyone in our lives—not perfection, but the promise of doing the best we can.”

But I need you to know that Ave and El will always be there. You and I being in a relationship will mean the girls are a part of it. I have to make sure you want that.”

It’s Finn and his girls. A package deal. I would never want it any other way.

“Here’s the plan,” I tell Millie as she takes a sip of her coffee. “You pick out your favorite book for me to read, and I’ll get my favorite book for you to read.”

a man after my own heart <33

His hands drop into the back pockets of my jeans, and he yanks me firmly against him, burying his face in my neck. The hot slide of his tongue has my head falling back to expose more skin for him.

HOLY FUUUCK

It’s astonishing how quickly someone could transform into such a fundamental part of my life. How they could become so ingrained in every little bit of my soul that I can’t even fathom how painful it would be if they left it.

She nods as I kiss her again, and a little chorus of ooohhhs erupts from the top of the stairs.

Avery comes to my other thigh and lays her head next to her sister’s, their bodies stretched out perpendicular to mine. Her chest lifts with a big breath before she whispers, “Sometimes I get mama-sick when I really miss Mama.” Something claws its way into my chest and squeezes my entire heart, and I can’t breathe through the pain of it. “Me too,” Eloise murmurs.

“We love you, Millie,” Avery says into the phone, and my heart skips a beat. They’ve never told me that before, and my arms ache to hug them. “I love you all too.” All three of you.

The small, delicate blooms of purple, pink, yellow, and blue look like they’ve just been plucked from a field of wildflowers. I bend forward and close my eyes to inhale their soft, sweet scent, letting it transport me to the fields I grew up on, where I spread wildflower seeds and ran through the blossoms.

Eloise’s name at the bottom and a woman with Ariel-red hair surrounded by bugs of every color and shape. Some are near-perfect renditions, and some have a distinct creative license that makes them look more like monsters. My eyes squint with the force of my smile. When I pick up the second picture, it’s from Avery. This one is a woman with the same red hair, holding the hand of a man with black hair and glasses, and a little girl on each side. Tiny, pink hearts adorn the top of each person’s head.

I LOOOOVE THEM :'))

My breath stalls as I scan the small, framed image of me and the girls. Finn must’ve taken this picture a few days ago from behind us as we walked to the park, Avery and Eloise on each side of me, holding my hands.

suck in a sharp breath, covering my mouth with my free hand as I take in the details of the painting. A deep purple galaxy of sky surrounds a majestic butterfly. Hamadryas laodamia, more commonly known as the Starry Night Cracker butterfly, has nearly black wings with white flecks that make it resemble the night sky and the Vincent van Gogh painting it’s named after. My head shakes slowly as I notice the small, curvy LS in the corner—Lena’s signature.

“I painted you here months ago. The same stars Clara wished on every chance she got.” He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear as a tear drips from my eye and seeps into my arm. “Millie, she pointed me right to you.” My chest aches and my lips quiver from trying to hold back my sobs. “I wish you could see how much you’ve done for us,” he whispers. “I’ve laid all the shattered pieces of myself in front of you over the last few months. All the broken fragments I’ve been trying to glue back together on my own. The grief and the pain and all my flaws and insecurities.” He cups my face in his palm. “But you weren’t afraid of it. In fact, you’ve been helping me put it all back together in little ways since I met you.”

CRYING IN THE CLUB RN!!

“Of course I love you.” He bends and touches his lips to mine. “Could you not tell when I bought you an entire shelf of books?” A kiss to my jaw. “Or by the way I’m obsessed with basking in every one of your smiles?” Another kiss to the hollow of my throat. “Or could you not tell by how you draw endless smiles out of me?” His lips come back to mine. “Or how I let you beat me at Catan that one time?”

the only love confession i ever need AHH :'))

This breathtaking woman is mine. I get to spend the rest of my life showing her how much I care about her and how much she means to me. And it’s a goddamn privilege.

“What’s wrong, stella mia?” My thumb catches a tear as it slides down to her ear. “They’re called emotions, Spock.” She laughs, deep and raspy, and her inner wall clenches. It takes an act of extreme willpower not to move, but a small groan leaves my throat at the feeling of her tightening around me. “Are they good emotions?” “The best ones,” she sighs with a small smile. I nod and catch a tear with my tongue, licking the salty moisture and absorbing the emotion into me. “I love you so much,” I whisper against her cheek. She stutters a breath as I give a tentative push toward her. “I love you too.”

Two little giggles echo from the hallway. “The wildlings are coming,” Finn whispers into my hair. Avery and Eloise squeal while running toward us, and Finn bursts up to surprise them. He wraps his arms around them, pulls their bodies onto the bed, and yells, “Cuddle puddle!” They wiggle and giggle above the duvet, kneeing me in the thigh, and Finn takes an elbow to the face. Amid the joyful snickering, I suddenly remember my daydream. My fantasy: sweet touches and soft words and playful little girls asking for pancakes.

“That doesn’t say anything about your strength. You were strong every day of that relationship. You were strong last week, enduring being around him. You were strong yesterday, showing up for that interview. And you’re strong today, having this conversation with me. Strength isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s a quiet power that isn’t so obvious to the world.”

“You must really like stargazing.” He shakes his head. “Fuck the stars, baby. All I see is you.”

SCREAMINGGGG!!!!!!!!