Give Me Butterflies (Oaks Sisters, #1)

by Jillian Meadows

To the chronic apologizers: let that shit go. Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault. Don’t apologize for things you don’t regret. And definitely don’t apologize for who you are.

Shit. Pins and needles creep up my spine. I know for a fact that this tie belongs to a man with a gorgeous face, but his permanent scowl ruins the appeal for me.

Dr. Finn Ashford has glowered at me every time we’ve made eye contact, but this time is the most severe.

“Shouldn’t you be working instead of chatting with Eleanor about dukes and secret affairs?” That raises my hackles, and my usual conflict avoidance turns to dust in the wind as I spit the first thing that comes to mind. “Shouldn’t you be rewatching Star Trek so you have something educated to say at work today?” A ghost of a smirk flashes across Finn’s mouth before he can contain it.

“Oh, please. Do forgive us women for being friendly to each other and asking about our weekends. Not everyone can barge through the doors like Kylo Ren, with a cape floating behind them, and glower at every person who crosses their path.” This time, he has to bite both lips to hide his amusement, but I still get a peek at it.

During my first week at the museum, I held the elevator for him while he stalked toward it looking at his phone. When he finally glanced up, his navy eyes searched my face and the empty elevator behind me. He stepped back with a scowl and mumbled, “I’ll get the next one.”

I glance back at her notebook, where she has drawn two small ladybugs on the side. Then she moves her pencil to the very bottom of the page and smoothly writes, Eyes on your own paper, Grumpy Spock. A scoff bursts out of me before I can stop it.

LMAO

My skin prickles as the sudden urge to say something ripples through me, and my brain loses control of my body. I lean toward her and allow myself a small inhale of the vanilla-and-lemon scent wafting from her hair before I whisper low in her ear, “Are you nervous?”

Millie yelps as she jumps a few inches out of her chair, and her head slams into my nose with a crunch. Fuck.

DAMNNN

When Millie turns her face toward me, her eyes are narrowed and her lips are pressed into a flat line. She mouths, “Asshole.” “No,” I whisper, shaking my head. Her brows snap together. If looks could kill, I would be a pile of bones at this point. I narrow my eyes. “I meant—”

Well, shit. It’s the share-with-the-class that is every misbehaving student’s worst nightmare. I can confirm it still sucks at thirty-four. As I search for something to contribute to the conversation, I glance at Millie and find her biting her lips like she’s trying to contain her laughter at my expense. I want to laugh. It’s right there, the smile pushing against my cheeks to find the humor in our predicament. But I rein it back in with my signature frown instead.

“Maybe you should go back to walking to work. You appear to be out of practice with driving.” His lips lift in a minuscule smirk, and he seems to bite the inside of his cheek to stop it. Heat spreads through my veins as I straighten my spine. “Now who’s watching who arrive at work in the morning?”

“Honestly, getting out of this thing will probably solve all my life problems,” she shouts from her bedroom. “Maybe I’m not hangry—I’m booby-trapped.”

I arrived at my office to find a coffee on my desk. The note is signed by “F.” Would that perhaps be you? I’ve spilled coffee on so many people this week, so I’m not certain it’s from you. If it was not you, then this is awkward, and please disregard. If this coffee is from you, thank you. It’s delicious.

Lol

Damn. He may be an asshole, but he’s the kind women drool over. And he is an asshole . . . right?

My eyes follow the line of his starry galaxy tie, and I realize he has a little girl holding each hand. I momentarily forget how to breathe and have to blink a few times to clear my vision. But the image stays the same as I track my gaze over him again. Broad shoulders, black fabric over sculpted biceps, rolled-up sleeves, strong forearms, and—yep—those are children. Finn has kids?

My focus jumps to his left hand instinctively. No ring. When I look back up, his eyes connect with mine, and he gives me a small grin.

“Do I have to go?” she whispers. Finn’s eyes turn the softest I’ve ever seen them, creasing along the edges as he gives Avery a small grin. “Yes, piccola.

wait that's cute

Finn stares at Avery like he’s in a daze, his lips a flat line. He looks to Eloise, who’s giggling as Terrence climbs up her arm. “Can you try not to split them up, if it’s not too much trouble? They need each other sometimes.” “Yeah, of course.”

“Is it fun having a twin?” I ask the girls. “I always wanted to be one. I thought sharing secrets would be amazing.” Surprisingly, Avery answers first. “Having a twin is the best. I never have to be alone.” She gives me a small smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Eloise puts her arms around Avery’s shoulders and says, “It is the best thing.”

“I guess I do have kids, though. They are my sister’s girls, but she passed away a few months ago.” With a deep sigh, Millie pulls her hand from her back pocket and sets it on my forearm. I’m sure it’s supposed to be a comforting gesture, but it has the opposite effect. It makes my heart stutter, and my lungs feel twice their weight.

As my laughter settles, I meet Millie’s wide eyes, her lips parted in surprise like she doesn’t even recognize me. “I’ve never heard you laugh,” she whispers.

Millie beams at me like she’s broken the code to get inside my heart’s vault, and I can never admit that it’s because her aunt names sound like stripper names.

Apparently, I cooked them too long, and in Eloise’s words, “They tasted like the sandbox at the playground.” I made a mental note to keep an eye on her the next time we’re at the park because I had no idea she was tasting the sand.

Lmao

As I approach, Finn stands and pulls an empty chair from the table next to theirs, pushing it into an open spot. “Join us.” “That’s okay.” I shake my head. “You all enjoy your breakfast. I don’t want to intrude.” “Please,” Eloise begs, pulling my wrist toward her.

“Hey, Finn.” As soon as my name leaves her lips, the other woman turns so fast that her hair whips her cheek. She scans me with dark eyes from my face to my shoes, mouth wide-open and eyebrows almost to her hairline. Millie reaches over and snaps the woman’s jaw shut. “This is my friend Lena. I’m sorry she doesn’t have manners.” She narrows her eyes in her friend’s direction.

Lmao

“Finn Ashford. I work in the astronomy department.” “Oh, I know who you are.” She eyes me with a sly smirk, then points to Millie and mumbles, “I want you to know I was right. And if you don’t want him, I’ll take him.”

Lena has her palms on her cheeks as she watches us, nudging Millie with her elbow. Millie smacks her shoulder and hisses, “Stop it.”

Lol

“You know who makes the best homemade pizza?” Lena asks, wiggling her brows up and down. With wide eyes, Millie opens her mouth like she might be able to stop whatever Lena is about to say. But she’s not fast enough. “Millie does,” Lena says with a beaming smile. A scarlet blush burns Millie’s cheeks. Lena grins, completely shameless, but I can’t deny that I like where this is going.

Raising her eyebrows, she puts her hands on their heads and smiles. “Okay, okay. I’ll make you the best pizza of your life.” She grabs Lena’s arm and pulls her up. “You’re done,” she snaps firmly before shoving her away. “Enjoy your pizza, girls,” Lena calls over her shoulder.

“I keep crashing into you,” I say, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles in my jeans as I attempt to rein my hormones back in. “I don’t mind,” he replies smoothly.

Avery pulls my arm until I crouch in front of her, and she whispers in my ear, “Uncle Finn was worried you couldn’t find our house.” I look up at Finn, but he’s fiddling with Eloise’s hair and not paying attention. “I was a little nervous, so I was driving slowly.”

She holds up a small moose. “This is Moosey.” Then she picks up a giraffe. “And this is Giraffey.” A smile blooms on my lips at their name choices. “Nice to meet you, Moosey and Giraffey.” “And, Millie,” Eloise says, drawing my attention away from the animal introductions. She stands in front of the brick fireplace and points to a black vase with intricate gold designs on the sides. “That’s where Mama is now.” Realization hits me, and my eyes burn as tears rise to the surface.

Avery and Eloise have already jumped to the next thing, trying to pull me toward the Legos, but my heart is snagged on the sweet and devastating mantel. My gaze meets Finn’s where he’s standing behind the couch. His fingers dig into the back of it as he looks at me with a quiet grin that seems to say, Welcome to the chaos.

“Alexa, play pizza music,” El calls toward the speaker. Somehow Alexa understands what she wants, and soft Italian music starts drifting through the kitchen.

Lmao

Little does Millie know, I’ve memorized every word of that song—not that she would ever catch me singing it. Our kitchen sing-alongs are a secret between me and the girls. “Uncle Finn loves that song,” El announces as she crashes back into her stool. “He always sings it with us.” Well, fuck. That lasted five seconds. Little snitch.

Mom: Is that a child’s hand in the corner of the picture? Tess: Yeah, Mom, she had a secret child and never told you. Dad: That’s your mother’s worst nightmare. Don’t scare her before bed. Fabes: But for real, whose tiny hand is that?

Lmao

“Don’t feel like you should have to go through life apologizing for things you didn’t do. Sometimes you don’t even need to apologize for things you did do.

“I have to tell you something,” I say around the inedible chunk of dessert. “You know, because friends are honest with each other.” He looks over at me with an eyebrow raised. “These cookies suck.” “I worked hard on these,” he jokes,

LMAO

“What kind of cookies do you and the girls like?” “Chocolate chip, obviously. Snickerdoodle, and the girls love anything with icing.” “Oh, I can teach you to make all of those.” His brows perk up. “Next Friday, then?”

“It’s okay, piccola. You know, Millie hit me in the nose the other day too,” he says, winking at me over her shoulder.

Lmao

I look over her shoulder and see Finn watching me over Eloise. We’re mirror images of each other, crouched on the ground, consoling the girls.

“Sorry,” she whispers. “There’s someone over there I don’t want to see me.” Her warm breath against my neck is like a heater on my skin, melting my tense muscles. Don’t be sorry at all. This is exactly where I want you to be.

He. My body moves of its own accord like the need to protect her is instinctual. I slide my arm across the back of her chair and turn my body toward hers until Millie’s knees nestle between my spread thighs. “Is this okay?” I ask, hoping it feels like a refuge and not a cage. “It’s perfect,” she breathes, her soft lips brushing across my neck as she speaks. I barely manage to hold in the groan that claws its way up my throat.

She nods and lets out a long breath. Her grip loosens on my tie, but she doesn’t move away. “Sorry about this.” God, if there was ever a time she shouldn’t be sorry, this is it. “Don’t apologize. Stay as long as you need. I’m perfectly comfortable.” I could stay like this for as long as she’d let me.

Quite a few people are downtown this morning, walking in and out of shops and cafés. I shift to Millie’s other side, near the street, and put my hand on her back to begin our walk toward the museum. I drove to Maggie’s, but I’ll walk with her, just in case she runs into him again.

Mom: Here’s a picture of another option: light blue with candy canes. Fabes: MOM. Zoom in on those candy canes. Dad: Those aren’t candy canes, honey. They’re dicks.

Lmao yo

I expect it to be the pizza guy, but when I open the door, Finn, Avery, and Eloise stand atop our Come Back With Tacos doormat. “We didn’t know about the taco rule.” Finn winces. “That’s okay. Friends are the exception.”

Diego looks between us quizzically. “This”—he points to Finn—“is your . . . boyfriend, Millie?” he questions with his strong Spanish accent. Chills flash over my heated body. I drop into my seat with a falsely bright smile. “Oh, no, just friends.” I shake my head incredulously. “Not together at all. Gosh, nowhere near anything like that. Like, we could never be!”

Ay mille

When Millie opened the door this evening with her dazzling smile, realization collided into my heart like a freight train. I want to be around this woman every day. Her presence feels like the storm clouds are parting. Like the sun is finally shining over me, brightening my day. And these sporadic moments together aren’t enough.