The Anti-Heroes

by Jen Lancaster

During the pandemic, I read that a Japanese amusement park posted a notice about the dangers of expressing your fears aloud, due to the possibility of spraying droplets. The sign read Please scream inside your heart. I scream inside my heart a lot.

“What made them think this was okay?” Emily assesses me with a gimlet eye. “May I assume you didn’t put one of them in a choke hold and say, ‘This is not fucking acceptable,’ but instead you tried to peace keep in a situation where you were the victim?” “Ah, I see you’ve met me.”

Emily=Me Liv=my bestie Steph :-D

Liv’s ability to make sure everyone feels comfortable and included is a gift, and I need to make sure I remind her of that.

I was always a good kid, but I didn’t consciously try to be the shiniest, happiest person until my parents split. I didn’t want to be yet another one of my mom’s problems. I earned straight As and I never stepped out of line.

She’s all panic, no disco.

Muscle memory means that you are able to reproduce certain physical actions without thinking because your body remembers; the movement is etched deep in your subconscious. Muscle memory is why on that TikTok, the elderly ballerina with Alzheimer’s could still do all the arm movements from Swan Lake when the music played. Our bodies remember. Essentially, muscle memory is a neural pathway in the brain that allows you to perform or compete, even in high-stress situations. Muscle memory is how we’re able to ride a bike or type on a keyboard without having to talk ourselves through the steps each time.

So often people make a choice—that choice is to obsess over the negative things people say about you or obsess over the positive. The problem with either of these approaches is that they both point to you being obsessed with yourself. Giving up that obsession is the key to happiness.”

The more I learn about humanity, the more convinced I am that most people will accept anything if it’s free, regardless of how offensive, reckless, or dangerous.