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I’m desperate for her to look inside my soul and witness all the inclinations that pull me to her– to hear the way my heart beats in rhythm with her own, as if Vikings are pounding on their shields and preparing to take siege of my heart.
“You haven’t been Nova in a while, until now.”
“I know. But I am not sure if I am her. I’m not sure if I know how to be her anymore,”
“Let me help you find her. Or let me help you find the new her. But first, we need to take care of Odin. I know that's the only way you will ever feel safe.”
I push my hips in between her thighs and grab the back of her head, forcing it to my chest. “Just listen to my heart. This is real, you’re real. Just breathe.”
When did this woman become my safe haven? When did I become hers? And since when am I so at peace with holding her and touching her so freely, without expecting repercussions?
Seeing her little smiles, the way her body relaxes beneath me, or the scent of her hair, has somehow made me feel like I belong here. Every moment next ...
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“I don’t care.” Nova glares at me with such ferocity that I can't help but fall in love with her a little bit more. “I need to see this fuck get what he deserves. I have done things that I never thought I would do, and I don’t feel remorse. I won’t feel bad about this either. Maybe this is who I am. Maybe I crave inflicting violence on shitty people. Hopefully, I can piece together some of the feelings that are keeping me trapped. I know that probably doesn’t make sense to you, but it does to me. Just do it.”
I don’t know if I’ll be able to save her from her demons, but maybe she can join mine. Time will tell.
His little smiles and smirks aren’t needed, but I revel in them. He’s joining the darkness inside my heart instead of pushing it away, and I know at this moment– He is My Soul. My Life. My Love. This is who I am.
This is who I want to become. I no longer want to pretend to be okay for everyone else. With Alek by my side, I can be myself. Be Nova. Dark and deranged. Sick and twisted. Bloody and turned on. I pinch the back of my hand, making sure I’m awake and that this is real.
“Say it. Tell me who the fuck you belong to,” I command. “You, Loki. I belong to you. Only to you,” she cries.
