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August 22 - August 24, 2024
“About Ellie. I can’t get my head straight. I look at her, and my heart races. I think about her, and I fight the urge to find her. It’s ridiculous. Then there’s the fact that all I want is more.”
More than anything, I want to know if Hadley is mine, but there’s a lot of things that could happen once that knowledge is revealed. Right now, I’m not her father. I don’t have to parent her. I get to enjoy spending time with her. Then there are feelings for Ellie that are unexplainable. I love her. I know it. I know that it’s also the absolute last thing she needs to hear from me. She doesn’t need to hear that she is the only woman I want, and I will wait an eternity if that’s what it takes to earn her.
Can two people belong to one another without ever actually being together? Can you love someone without knowing them? I’ve always believed in soul mates, and standing here in front of him, I can’t deny that we’re something . . . more.
My heart is racing as I grapple with what I want to do, each second feeling like years passing until I stop allowing myself to think. I’ve thought so much, and it’s never turned out well for me. I want to do. I want to be. I want to live. I close the distance between us so fast that he doesn’t have time to react, and I press my lips to his.
“I don’t want you to wait to kiss me.”
“Your story doesn’t change based on the ending. There is nothing we can do but tell the truth,
It’s been years since I’ve been here. Time that I’ve spent trying to piece my broken life together the best way I could. As the days passed, as time slipped away and my world became more complicated than I ever thought it would be, one thing has always remained steadfast. I love these people, and I know they loved me.
“Are you still drifting, Ellie?” I shake my head. “No, I don’t think I am.” “Why not?” “Because you won’t let me.”
“Will you hurt me, Connor?” “Never.” And I believe him. “Then, yes, I’ll let you kiss me.”
“You’re everything I remembered and nothing I was prepared for,” I say right before I kiss her.
Patience is what she needs, and it’s the last thing I feel when I’m this close to her.
“When you kiss me like this, I can’t think.” “I don’t want you to think, I want you to feel.” Her blue eyes lift to mine, and her vulnerability humbles me. “That has always been my downfall. If I used my head more, I never would have gotten into the position I’m in.”
“I don’t want to take away your choices.” She turns quickly. “I don’t think you do. I can’t make the same mistakes again, Connor. I jumped feet first into a relationship with a man who I knew wasn’t right for me. I let him . . . hurt me. I gave him power over me in a way that I never should’ve. He broke things inside me, trust that I don’t know can be repaired. I will never be whole or the woman who isn’t a little damaged.”
“I don’t care if there are pieces of you that are damaged. I don’t care if every inch of you is scarred. Believe me, there are parts of me that are so fucking mangled it would take a miracle to straighten them. It’s not about perfection or being whole—it’s you being you.”
“You say these things, and I have to stop myself from falling.” “If you fall, I’ll catch you.” “What if I take you down with me?” “I’ll shelter you so you don’t get injured.” “And if you’re hurt in the process?” Ellie’s voice is barely a whisper. “I can handle it.” I inch closer, my hand lifting and tucking the other side of her hair behind her ears. “What I can’t handle is causing you or Hadley pain. I want to make you happy, Angel, not make you cry.”
“I want you, Connor. I think I’ve always wanted you, but that’s not what I had. I left that night, and we can’t pretend the last eight years haven’t happened. I know that you’re worried that, if you find out Hadley is yours, you won’t be able to pull back, and I’m worried that if we don’t, I won’t be able to move forward.”
“I could stay like this with you forever.” “Me too.” And I want to. With him, the world is filled with possibilities and safety.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,”
“That when I’m with you, I’m not the broken woman I sometimes feel like. That you look at me in a way I only dreamed was possible. It scares me, yes, but it humbles me as well. I think about how much I want something more with you even though it feels like it should be way too soon.”
“I think if we were anyone else, it would be. You’ve been mine since the night we met in this bar. When we gave ourselves to each other, it wasn’t the way either of us planned. I know you, Ellie. I see you for all that you are, and I think that maybe you’re just starting to see yourself.”
“I mean it, Ellie, this changes nothing about how I feel. I love Hadley, and whatever is going on with us isn’t going to stop because of this. If she’s mine, I swear right now, that I’ll protect her with my life. I’ll follow your lead on how we handle it because she’s what matters. If I’m not, then she will never know anything different. But regardless of whether I’m her father or not, she will never fear that man again. Neither of you will.” “But don’t you see, everything will change.” He shakes his head. “No, it won’t.” “If she’s yours, then you will want to make up for all the time you
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“I have thought about you since that night we met. I’ve wanted you, craved you, loved you in some way for eight years. The only thing that this will change is that the family I thought I would never have is now in front of me. The woman I thought I might have conjured up is still real and we still have a chance to have something. Maybe something will change, but the way I feel about us and what we’re doing won’t.”
“She’s mine.” “She is.”
“Look, I know you’re probably pissed at me, but I’m happy. I love this little girl, and I’m falling hard for Ellie. I can’t explain it, but it’s like she’s this perfect other half of me. I’m not asking your permission or asking for anything else other than your understanding.”
“Yes, I’m fucking insane because I want to be a father to my kid! I want to give her what we didn’t have—stability. You may run from the things you love, Declan, but I don’t. I found the woman I literally dreamed of for eight years, and I’m not letting her go. If she wants me to live here and be buried on this land, I will.”
All I want to do is tell her the truth, pull her close, and promise her the world. I want to make up for the time we’ve lost, which isn’t possible.
“Let go, Ellie. Let go, I’ll catch you. I’ve got you in my arms, and I won’t let you fall.”
“Well, I told you that when you love someone, it’s a gift and that the person on the other end should always be grateful for it. How do you think you would feel if Connor was a part of our life? Would you want him to always be around?”
turn to him, and before I can stop myself, my lips part. “I love you.” Connor’s beautiful green eyes fill with emotion. “I’ve loved you since the first moment I ever saw you.” “I think I have too, but it’s so soon and there is so much we still need to figure out.” He grins and takes my hand in his. “We also have nothing but time. Now, let’s go pick apples, and maybe tonight, we can start to make a plan on how
“Hadley,” I say with my heart in my throat, “I don’t want to confuse you or make you sad. You don’t have to call me dad or anything until you want to, and if you never do, I’ll always be Connor to you. If I had known you were mine, I would’ve found you right away, but I will be as much a part of your life as you want me to be, and nothing has to change for us until you’re ready for it.” She looks up at me, her eyes filled with confusion. “You’re my dad?” “I am, and I really am happy that you’re my daughter.”
“I wanted you to be my daddy too.” With that, my entire world shifts, and I swear that I could fucking cry.
Ellie is the piece of my heart I didn’t know was missing. She’s brought me to my knees, and I don’t care if I can’t ever stand again. For her, I’d stay here, at her feet as long as I have her here.
“That I love you.” She smiles at that, her eyes filling with love and a little bit of apprehension. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t see the second part. “Say it again.” “I love you.” I say it without pause, and I’ll say it a million times over again until she believes it. She’ll never know what it means that she said it to me without prompt.
“You may be willing to walk away from what you want, but this isn’t an option. If you three don’t want to sell me the land, that’s fine. I’ll take the money from the sale and buy my own. You don’t have to understand or agree with me, but I thought you’d at least respect my decision.”
“I love you. I love you because you make me happy. You give without want, and I have never had that. I love you because you loved Hadley and me before you knew we were truly yours, but I am yours, Connor. I think in some way, I always have been. Please, take me and love me.”
I feel what his soul is saying as his lips claim mine and he slowly slides into me, changing my own soul irrevocably.
“I love you, Ellie. I fucking love you with my entire fucking world and . . .” I have to say it. It has to be now. Here, in the bed, naked after loving her with all that I am, I have to break her.
“Love? Love doesn’t take. Love doesn’t rob someone of choice. Love gives, and love cares. You took something from me, not just that night, but right now.”
“You will always have Connor, Hadley. Always. I know this is hard for you to understand, but sometimes, we have to walk away from someone we care about, even when they take us for pumpkins and apples. Sometimes, it doesn’t work.”
“You always forgave Daddy.” Her voice quivers. “I don’t know why you can’t forgive Connor.”
“I can’t.” “You can’t, what?” “Wait. I’ve seen monsters, and I’ve lived in nightmares. You aren’t either. While what happened is tragic, it isn’t your fault, and it is unfair of me to ever put that on you.
Hadley looks to us and then to her uncles. “I really like your brothers, Daddy.” And I think it’s Connor who got the best present of all.
