The Worst Best Man

by Lucy Score

“I’m not going to stop until you give me what I want. You need to understand that. I’ll push your buttons, manipulate you. Whatever it takes. I won’t fall for you. But I’ll be good to you.”

“Barf drunking is so much easier than barf sicking. I prolly won’t even remember this tomorrow… or today.”

“We’re so happy to have you here to enjoy it,” May said, smiling sweetly. Frankie flipped her brother the bird. Marco flipped it back but not before his mother caught him. May got out of her chair and walked casually behind her son, and just when his shoulders seemed to relax, she cuffed him on the back of the head. “Manners!” “Frankie started it,” Marco argued. Frankie flipped him another bird. “See, Ma? Look!” Frankie picked up her fork and ate innocently. “Marco, you’re hallucinating.” May slapped Gio on the back of the head on her way back to her chair. “What was that for?” he whined. “I saw your finger twitch,” she pointed out. “It was a preemptive strike.” May sat down primly. Frankie and her brothers watched carefully, and the second the woman’s attention was on her plate, three middle fingers shot up around the table. “Oh, for Pete’s sake. When did you all turn into assholes?” Hugo sighed over his plate. “What? What did they do?” May demanded. “Nothing,” the three Baranski siblings announced. “You sure you want to deal with this?” Rachel asked Aiden from across the table. “There’s still time to get out.” Aiden turned his laugh into a discreet cough. “Don’t try to scare off the trillionaire. He’s Frankie’s last shot at non-test tube babies,” Marco joked. Aiden shot Marco the finger, and the table erupted in laughter. Except for May. She very calmly got out of her seat and smacked him upside the head. “Ma!” Franchesca was horrified. “I don’t care if Aiden is a trilli...

“My mother hit you upside the head. That’s a gold star seal of approval if there ever was one.”

Wild and beautiful. Just like you. —A.

“If you fuck up my hair, months from now when you’ve forgotten all about me, when you’re complacent, I’ll wait for you in the alley, throw you into a dumpster full of human hair and perm chemicals.”

“Isn’t this the part where you shower me with a quarter-million dollars’-worth of jewelry?” she joked. “As a matter of fact,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jewelry case. “Get the fuck out. Don’t come near me with whatever that is. I’ll lose it or get robbed or break out in a rash. This skin isn’t used to platinum.”

Fuck off. Go fuck yourself. Go slather yourself with ground beef and walk into a grizzly bear den. “No