Phantasma (Wicked Games, #1)

by Kaylie Smith

Fury and spite could fuel her, propel her forward, but if she let her grief take over, she wasn’t so sure she’d be able to dig herself out of that pit.

the back

There were two golden rules their mother had taught them about roaming New Orleans after dark: the first was that if the dark looks at you, you never look back. That was a surefire way to be caught by a Devil.

The second rule was that if you did break the first, never ever make any deals with a Devil. Not unless you wanted to lose your soul.

Ophelia couldn’t help but wonder if she was wildly unprepared to assimilate into normal society without their mother as her guide. Death she was familiar with. Living would be the real challenge.

“The dark is for people who are too cowardly to face their actions in the light,”

“A house of Devils is no place for an angel like you.”

And maybe she should have just heeded their warning and walked away. Maybe she should have been a lot more terrified than she was. But all she could think about was that, for now, she wasn’t alone, and she wanted to linger in that feeling for as long as she could.

“A heart and a key would set me free,” it said. “But you should hope we do not meet again, angel.”

“Be careful what you reveal out in the open. Even the walls have ears here, angel.”

“Imagine you believe, with every fiber of your being, that something is real, and suddenly you get an inkling that it is not. I have to live that nightmare every single day in my own mind! Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to have your reality so distorted that you can’t trust your own thoughts, your own sight?”

“Devils don’t have friends, darling. Not in the same sense that mortals do.”

I never let pain get the better of me,

I’d much rather let it bring me clarity.

“I want you to let me see you.” His mouth began tracing up her jawline, languidly, torturously. His words tickling her skin. “All of you. There is nothing I have seen yet that has made me look away. No atrocity you could commit to make me not want you like this. No matter how forbidden.” He seared a kiss into the sensitive spot at the end of his trail. “I want to know everything. I want to see all the darkest corners of your mind.” He tilted his face up to whisper his next words right into her ear. “I want to taste your sins.”

“I’d let you drag me to the depths of Hell right now if that would please you.”

The problem with secrets was that they festered and tore open wounds that were starting to scab.

“I am not your angel, but I will be your nightmare.

I will find a way to haunt you until every single one of your inner demons looks like me. You will never know a moment of peace again.”

Perhaps she would always be destined for darkness no matter what she did or where she went.

“I need a distraction, yes,” she admitted. And then, “But more than that—I want you. Even though I shouldn’t. You make me feel…”

“I make you feel…”

“Good. Safe.”

“Fuck, angel, I never want to be anywhere else but right here.

“I think you might be the closest to heaven I’ll ever get,” he whispered.

She hated that giving into it made it quiet. Worried that one day she’d slip and accidentally give in to something unforgivable it asked of her.

She hated that she wasn’t strong enough to shut it out completely. And that she thought a little bit less of herself each time she

“But it makes it easy to think anything good about myself is simply neutralizing all the darkness in my head. I’ve done nothing extraordinary—all of my energy goes toward trying to atone for the negative energy I put into the world every time the voice awakens.”

Life is not measured in good or bad thoughts—it’s how you treat the world around you despite them.

“If there were ever a divine entity I’d worship,” he murmured, “it’d be you.”

“This is all her fault. If she had told us the truth from the beginning, I wouldn’t have to be here! If she hadn’t somehow racked up debt and then left us with it, Genevieve would have never come, and we’d still be at Grimm Manor.”

“How is any of what you just heard okay? Especially when you and I are apparently just repeating history!”

For the first time in so long, she felt like a child standing there, not angry but disappointed at the realization that parents are fallible too. All her bravado of wanting to confront her mother and scream and yell and blame her for everything that had happened dissipated the moment she realized that seeing her again was nothing short of a gift, and that gift should not be wasted.

First, I want you to know that you must carve your own path in life, Ophie.

it’s your turn to make your own legacy.

know I should have enough self-control to just stay the fuck away, but you are the only thing that’s ever made me feel even a semblance of hope in this eternity of Hell. The dream I’ve been looking for—the one to wake me up. The thought of wasting another second when I will lose you forever in only three days has ruined me. You are the closest thing I will ever get to experiencing heaven, and I’m not ready to let it go.”

need you to know that you are the only person who has ever made me feel like I am capable of anything,” she lamented. “The only person who has ever made me feel truly seen.”

“In a different life, in a fair one, I would’ve kept you until my eternal soul withered away to dust,” he vowed to her.

“You let me out. When you gave in to my wicked desires.”

“Yes, you’re starting to see. I am you and you are me. Our darkness is intertwined.”

All her life, all she had wanted was peace. To be fixed. To not be a burden on those she loved most. But if being rid of the voice in her head meant she would never know peace in a different sort of way… was that worth it?

“When are you going to realize that the only person you can rely on is yourself?”

okay to get outside help… Yes. It was. She had been so alone for so long. Trapped in the confines of her own mind. She didn’t see why she needed to be alone now, just to prove that she was the only person she could rely on.

“He will always come to me,” she whispered. “We find each other every time. And you cannot stand that, because it means I’m no longer alone with you.”

growled. “I’m going to devour your pussy and drink every sweet drop you give me. Then I’m going to fuck you until the only thing you can think or speak is my name. I’m

going to make sure I bury myself so deep inside of you that neither of us will be able to tell where I end and you begin.”

“In all the darkness, in all the loneliness, you have been my one source of light,” he lamented as she began to come undone. “My soul will go to its grave with your name echoing in my mind.”

One thing Blackwell had always been right about was that soft hearts did no one any good. They broke over and over again. They bled for those who didn’t deserve it.

He would be every bit of good she so desperately wanted to see in him as long as she was safe. But now… now he’d tear the world to shreds.

“I love you so much. You saved me. So many times, in so many ways, and it barely took you a week to change me so intrinsically. I may never be rid of my inner demons, but for this single sliver of time, whenever we were together, you made them quiet. I was able to hear myself for once. And I want you to know that I will gladly take on whatever this place is going to curse me with knowing you will finally get out of the Hell you’ve been trapped in for so long.”