I do not know how to once again be the historian who left Lerct because I do not know if that person still exists. I do not know how I am supposed to teach students the same age as the stormtroopers I have killed. I do not know how to interact with my older colleagues who stayed silent and neutral as Hosnian Prime burned and as the First Order cut a swathe across innocent worlds and systems. I do not know how to live with myself for the things I have done and seen. Necessary though they may have been, I now struggle to move beyond them.
