Older

by Jennifer Hartmann

“Yikes. I guess I’m the romantic.” The laughter fizzled out, and Reed blinked at me before ducking his head. “You say it like it’s a bad thing.” “Feels like it is sometimes. It makes a person soft and hopeful in a world that’s hard and painful.”

“I don’t like being in pictures.” I faltered. “Really? Why not?” “Don’t know. I guess I prefer the fluidity of experiences, the way they come and go without being confined to a frame.”

“Was it easy? Turning your life around?”

“Fuck no. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But it was worth it. When something bigger than you—something more significant than your own bullshit—comes into play, it sobers you, and you see things through different eyes. It’s like a storm clearing. Suddenly, every obstacle, every easy way out, paled in comparison to the responsibility I had to be a good dad. There were setbacks, moments of doubt, battles with my own demons. But you find a newfound sense of purpose to get you through it.”

“So, no, it wasn’t easy. But it was necessary. And in the end, it transformed me into the person I needed to be for her…which was a stepping s...

Fear is a disease. It’s paralyzing. The only antidote is believing in your resilience. Every challenge is a chance to prove your strength.”

“When you’re a parent, you’re consciously aware that these days are ahead, destined to find you. You try to prepare, and you think you’ll be ready, but it’s not possible. These moments always seem so damn far away at the time, and then—bam. No more piggyback rides, no more swimming lessons, no more birthday cake painting the walls. It’s like I blinked and you were older.”

“I’m just saying, some things are great while they last. We had fun putting the pieces together, just like your mom and I had a lot of great moments throughout our relationship. But the end result is still the same: a broken puzzle.”

“Every moment with you fucking hurts.” His voice was pure grit, words cracking and breaking. “Every moment without you…hurts so much more.”

know that forgiveness, growth, and understanding can be found in even the darkest circumstances. I know that love has power. Power to break and ruin, and power to rebuild.” She wiped away a tear. “I know that what is meant to be, will be.

I let him hold me as he wrapped both arms around my waist and pulled me to his chest. We swayed lightly to acoustic guitar strings and the remnants of the setting sun while warmth settled in, eclipsing the ocean’s chill. I was at home again. Not in Illinois, but in Reed’s glittering galaxy. A comet landing in the arms of its favorite star.

“You were choosing her.” I choked on my breath. Stared at my daughter with devastation carved across my face. I’d made a knee-jerk decision in that moment, and I’d chosen to protect Halley’s heart over my daughter’s, believing so entirely that Tara would understand one day. Forgive me. Use the tools and wisdom she’d acquired from a privileged, love-drenched life to heal her wounds. Halley had never had that. She’d come from nothing, and my own selfish decisions had left her with nothing

but packed bags and a daunting, unknown future.