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But if you think I’m going to leave the only woman I’ve ever loved to contract marriage with a woman I do not get along with, then the lack of wisdom is yours, not mine.”
“Violet is the only choice I’ve made for myself. I won’t sacrifice her for three years. Not for a single day.
“You don’t care that Violet is the smartest person in this room. Or that Xaden tore apart Basgiath to save her, then returned to fight for Navarre because it was the right thing to do. Or that Cat lives in the most hostile environment possible to help her kingdom. You don’t care that Aaric had to step into the light he hates so we’d have a royal representative, or that Garrick has stood by Xaden’s side no matter the cost. We proved our lack of wisdom by coming here in the first place. You were never going to share your knowledge or ally yourself with us.”
Yes, it’s beautiful and efficient, but it also shows your intolerance for things that are not.”
“I prefer keeping my mouth shut until I understand the rules of whatever game is aiming for my throat. Helps me judge the character and acumen of my opponent.” He looks at each of them in turn. “Honestly, I find you lacking, and I’m not sure I want you for an ally. You have no army and you’re stingy with the very thing that should be free to all—knowledge.”
Logic and wisdom dictate that you assist us so you don’t become us.”
“We can’t kill potential allies, even if they suck.”
“Get off the ice,” I whisper. “Pull your shit together and come back to me because I need you. Not this. You.”
“This from the same man who thinks I need to know how to kill him?” I lift my chin. “Which is it, Xaden? Am I too precious to get close? Or am I the one who needs to know which shadow is yours?”
We do not accept those who do not adjust their sails in a storm.”
Sometimes the best gift the god of luck can give is his absence.
The weight of the crowd’s silent stares only serves to harden my resolve as I lift my chin before bowing my head. And expel another piece of my humanity. “Thank you.” Fuck them.
Xaden isn’t the enemy. He’s been infected by it.
“The best leaders are the ones who never want the job.
“What they never tell us in the quadrant is that rank is well and good, but you and I both know that the moment we fly onto the battlefield, it isn’t the humans giving commands. I hate to break it to you, but you were selected by a general among dragons. You can choose to step into leadership, or he can drag you. Either way, you’re going to end up in front.”
Imagine who you’ll become when you finally learn to not just embrace that confidence but live it.”
“There is no cure for me.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “That’s why you have to become better than me. There’s only you.”
“I mean it when I say you own my soul. You’re the only place I feel completely like me anymore.
They’re so rudely…polite.
The power exchange kills the soul one piece at a time, and death has no cure.”
Gods, he really is beautiful, and not just on the outside. Everything about him—his loyalty, his intelligence, the softer edges no one else but me gets to see…even his casual ruthlessness holds me in thrall. And whatever parts are missing? Dead, according to the irids? We’ll live without them.
We’d all be dead if he hadn’t channeled for more power. The Continent would have fallen if not for him.” “Only to become the very thing we’re fighting.”
There are no accounts of initiates just walking away from the power.”
“I will save him.” My throat tightens. “And not just because I can’t fathom living without him. I’m selfish when it comes to loving him, and maybe a little self-destructive lately—”
There isn’t a rider alive capable of stopping him at full power now, let alone what he could become if he truly turns. And don’t say that I can, because the truth is that I won’t. Even if I hone my signet to his level, which would take the years he’s had, I could no more hurt him than he could hurt me. He is…everything to me.”
“Never said you couldn’t love him.” He squeezes my shoulders gently. “You can still love someone after you let them go. But you have to tell me there’s a line where you will let him go. Because if there isn’t one, it’s not just him we’re going to lose, Vi.”
“If he hurts me, then he’s not him anymore.”
“If he progresses and turns fully—” Ridoc starts. “When,” Xaden corrects him. “Denial and I don’t keep company.”
Kill the other guy I become.” My eyes narrow on the beautiful asshole I’ve foolishly given my heart to. “It’s not going to come to that.”
“I’ve never been happier to be single. You two have some serious issues.”
“But it doesn’t change a single thing about the way I love you.”
“Let me know when you’re done brooding and we’ll see how big my next strike is. Until then, we’re flying home tomorrow.”
occasions he sits in on my sessions. I’ve seen things he never will, touched pieces of history he didn’t know existed. Just like my father. Mira and Garrick are released back to the front on March twenty-eighth, the last day of our inquisition. Drake departs for Cordyn. Brennan arrives from Aretia to mend my ribs. Xaden is hauled into Senarium meetings while being returned to his position as a professor. And the rest of us go back to class. For having missed more than three weeks, I’m only completely lost in physics and mildly confused in history, since all my studying prior to the trip had
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You honor the dead by making sure no others fall in the same manner. We have to learn from this. I know it’s hard, but in a matter of months, you third-years will be on the front lines. That will mean you defending Diasyn.” She points to someone above us. “Or you”—her finger swings left—“defending Cordyn.”
You’ll give some self-serving excuse, but the truth is you’re kinder than you want people to know. Maybe kinder than you know.
“He’s my cousin,” Xaden replies, locking eyes with me. “Of course he’s exceptional.” “Hmmm. Just like you, but without the arrogance.” I cock my head to the side. “Maybe I fell for the wrong—” “It would be a shame to kill my last living relative.” Xaden tilts his head to mirror mine,
“I’m never all right to do this,” I reply. “I just do it anyway.”
“You mentioned it needed repairs, and I asked Brennan to have that made for you from one of the broken pieces. When things get…shitty, I hope you can look down at it and imagine us sitting there together when this is all over. That’s the vision I’m going to cling to: you and me, holding hands, looking over the city.”
“Control is probably just prolonging the inevitable, but I’ve got one that might indicate…stability.”
But as my aim improves and my strikes increase, the rest of the world seems to go to shit.
I hate that they’re burdened with the truth.
this whole place feels like a bow with its string pulled tight, just waiting for the order to be fired. And we’re the arrows.
Maybe stability is a fool’s hope.”
“The man you love no longer fully belongs to himself.”
“Wearing a title like his can sometimes feel like you’re a fraying rope, being continuously ripped apart between what you personally want and what your people need.”
“He needs you to keep him from fraying, which can sometimes mean putting what you want—or need—aside for the good of the province. It’s horribly unfair to ask that of anyone, let alone the first lightning wielder in a century.”
“You are both so young, with such formidable signets. And if you choose not to adapt to the changes his title brings—” He stops himself, then sighs. “I just hope you two will figure out the balance between it all.” Like hell am I giving him up, even though nothing about what he laid out sounds equal or balanced. “By balance, you mean Tyrrendor comes first, Xaden second, our relationship fights for third, and my personal needs are a matter of convenience.” Saying it aloud
“Just so we’re clear. But I will never stop being the woman he fell in love with in order to morph into whatever doormat you think he requires. We’re already balanced because we’re both strong for ourselves and each other. He needs me to be me, and I’m telling you I promised to help keep Tyrrendor safe, but not at his expense.” “He’ll say the same about you. It’s what makes your relationship so dangerous.” He sighs. “Like I said, it’s hard to love someone in power, and that goes both ways.” He slips back into the hall and shuts the door.
It’s almost like this room is removed from time itself, a tiny corner of the world where we simultaneously live together yet don’t.
War rages in his eyes, like this is both the last and only place he wants to be.
