A Twist of the Blade (Shadows and Crowns, #2)

by S.M. Gaither

She hadn’t complained about him teasingly calling her that—she’d told him that names meant nothing to her.

“I just want to disappear,” she repeated. If it was a trick, then it was a very convincing performance. The fire had left her words. All he heard in her voice now was…hurt.

What sort of woman offered a dagger to the God of Death and encouraged him to stab her with it?

He shouldn’t have been thinking of letting her go. Yet here he was, thinking about it.

“There is nowhere you can go that I can’t find you,” he told her. “And when the time is right, I will find you again.”

“It wasn’t all lies, was it? Everything that happened between us?” He stared back at her. Hesitated so long that the waiting caused an actual, physical pain in her chest. “No, Thorn. It wasn’t.”

“Are you keeping track of the ones you’ve killed?” “I’m quite certain you’re still ahead,” she snapped. “Give it time. We’ll see where we end up.”

Each hollow thunk made Cas think of the beating of war drums, driving her on toward battle. One that she intended to fight, even if she wasn’t certain she could win it.

But until that end came, now he was also determined to give Thorn as many breaths in this world as he could. Even if the cost was pain that stole the breath from his own lungs.

“It sounds like he’s in a bad mood, too.” Cas couldn’t help the touch of smugness in her voice,

She wanted to stay, because he was unfairly captivating, endlessly confusing, and she needed to know why.

His voice was quiet, but a hint of violence remained as he asked, “Are you all right?”

“And it would be a pleasure to do it all over again—because my only regret is that I didn’t savor it the first time around. So I would make it as painful as possible for him next time. Break his bones slowly, one by one—a different bone for every time he laid one of his filthy fingers on you.”

“Well, perhaps being near you for any extended amount of time just makes me want to murder things,”

He hadn’t planned to fight. He hadn’t planned to stay. But then he had seen her, bound to that chair. Injured. Bleeding. And it had ignited a fury in him that was stronger than anything he had felt in a very long time.

He ducked under the water. Swam to a deeper part of the lake, and briefly considered not resurfacing.

She shifted where she sat, her eyes casting about for something to focus on—other than his face or his bare abdomen. He would have given anything to still have the ability to read minds in that moment.

His eyes stayed on the lake partly because he didn’t want to see the burn marks on her skin—those marks made him want to go back into the Wild and kill a few more things.

“But that’s the problem with loving deeply, isn’t it?” she asked her hands with a bitter little laugh. “It means you have to hurt deeply, too. And that hurt can twist you up in unexpected ways.”

“I want you to be safe. For some reason.”

“What about you? What do you need, Casia?” Her eyes fluttered open. And he realized how dangerous his question really was. Because in that same instant, he realized that he would have given it to her. It didn’t matter what it was.

“Then I also need you to know that I… I misspoke the other day.” “Did you?” “I don’t hate you. I just…want to.” He sighed, a corner of his lips quirking in a wistful smile. “I want you to hate me too.”

pain is not a competition. Everyone has their own battles. Their different hells. Different demons. And you don’t have to apologize for the things that hurt you, as I said, or for what you have to do to survive these things—not to me or to anyone else.”

But that was so often how it happened, wasn’t it? Left instead of right. An arrow hitting its target. Or missing it. A minute too late. A minute too early…life was full of these tiny moments of profound impact—moments balanced on a blade that might twist one way or the other.

He’s actually rendered this terrifying goddess speechless. Cas couldn’t help but be impressed.

If she let go, it would all be over. It could all be over. The dark abyss below could swallow her up, and that would be that. Did she even want to cross this bridge?

What she was…was heavy. And tired. So, so tired.

“We could desecrate this temple,” he said. “And I wouldn’t even care.”

“Love is not weakness.” “I think you’re mistaken, little mortal.” “And I think you’re kind of a bitch, Middle Goddess.” “About which I am unapologetic.”

“Go and earn it, Little Queen, same as you earned my mark.” “Why are all divine beings so difficult to deal with?” Cas lamented. “Why are all humans such entitled, needy little terrors?”

“Thank you for your help.” “Ah, so it does have manners,”

Nessa would probably still embrace her even if she had been accused of murdering half of the population of this city they were walking through.

It was only her imagination, no doubt, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that the goddess was watching her leave.

“But in all seriousness, you essentially already have two brothers prepared to threaten and kill on your behalf, so who cares about Varen? Family is not always blood, and blood is not always family.”

The skies darkened. The dark clouds crackled with lightning, but Cas was not afraid. She would not be afraid of any tempest within her or outside of her.

And she could not control the things that had been done in the name of that crest, or the family she had been born into. But oh, she would control this.

You can be afraid, and you’re allowed to feel stuck…you just can’t stay there. You have to keep going until you see what’s on the other side of that fear.

“If you had fallen, then nothing else would have mattered.”

The way he noticed her shivering, and without a word, he made a bed of that blanket she’d been wrapped up in earlier, and then retrieved her coat and draped it around her.

“This is usually the part where you say something stupid to lighten the mood.” “I’ve gotten tired of making jokes. I just want this to be over.”

All he knew for certain was that he had fallen in love with her twice now. I answer to a higher power, he’d told her. But perhaps there was no higher power than this. Than her.

There you are. I’ve been waiting for you.

“I love you,” he said. She dropped the bag she’d started to rifle through. “What did you just say?” “I love you. And I always have—in this lifetime and in every other.”

“I don’t know what happens next, either. But I am certain of one thing: If you are going to war, then I am going with you.”

It doesn’t matter. Family is not always blood, and blood is not always family.

His eyes took hers, and she saw something she did not expect in them—fear. He will fear us before the end And so he did.

Perhaps this was what the Star goddess had meant by them both dying on the battlefield this night. Varen would die. But to kill him would require a death of a different sort inside of Cas.

He would finish this, just as they’d planned. Never mind the rest. She could go now. So she did.

And it struck him again—that dangerous, overwhelming thought that he would give her anything she asked for, no matter the cost.

Cas was not sure how to reply—she felt equal parts nauseous and furious and confused. But also newly…powerful.