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“I didn’t mean to ruin everything…but that’s what I do.” His voice is low, bleeding with sadness.
“I tried to fuck you. It was stupid. Just wanted to feel something good. You can still leave me if you fuck me, Archer. But maybe your moral compass doesn’t allow you to do that. Or hell, maybe you just don’t want to.”
“It’s not because I think sleeping with you ties you to me…and Jesus, East. I want you. I want you so bad, I ache with it. I just…”
“I wanted you. I still want you. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“Kissing you. Gonna make you feel so good, and I know you’re gonna be good for me too.”
How is it so easy for Morgan to give himself to Dusty, when so many of my traumas are ones we share? What is it about me that just doesn’t know how to do the things everyone else does?
“You’re not,” I reiterate. “And I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I know you might not be ready, but I want to be with you, East. For real and officially. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” I want East. I care about him.
“Would you still want to be with me if you knew I talk to my dead sister? That I hear her voice in my head? That most of the good shit I do is because she tells me to?”
El, why aren’t you answering me? Are you mad at me?
“She won’t talk to me anymore, Arch.”
“She won’t talk to me anymore…she doesn’t think I need her anymore, but I do. Or at least, I want to. I don’t know how to be me without her. I promised her I would always need her.”
“I don’t want her to leave. I miss her.”
“I’m here, East. No matter what, I’m always here. And I’m proud of you, happy for you. I love you.”
