If You Don't Love Me We Both Die

by C.M. Stunich

I could marry someone like this, I think, and I fantasize about having Lake by my side for the rest of my life. Having a friend around always. Being able to … fuck that friend. I want to fuck her. I do. But I can’t. I absolutely cannot do that.

“I know that it came out wrong, me wanting you. I had a bad day, and I took that out on you because I’m terrified that you’re going to turn on me, and that you’re not going to be real. I want you to be real so fucking badly.”

“I haven’t told anyone the truth yet, but I guess … I guess I’m going to die soon anyway, so fuck it. I want to show you who I really am, Kaycee. I’m going to let go completely.” Joules stretches his arm out, so that I can see the bright red mark on his wrist, the one shaped like a smudged heart. It’s an exact match to the one I saw on Lake’s wrist when I passed by in the hallway.

“If the curse isn’t broken, Lakelynn, then …” Tam takes a minute to collect himself, and then he reaches over to switch on the bedside lamp. When he turns back to me, Tam takes my face gently between his hands and leans in like he’s going to kiss me. “If the curse isn’t broken yet, then it’s not on my end.” I let out a stuttering breath, and then Tam kisses the tears off my cheeks, kisses my lips. “Do you hear what I’m trying to say?” he whispers, and I nod. I kiss him back, and I don’t let him say the actual words just yet. Because no matter how deep his infatuation for me goes, he isn’t in love with me. If he were then …

“You can tell me anything, anytime, anywhere. I promise that I’ll always listen, that if I feel angry or upset or hurt, that I’ll always do the courtesy of hearing you out. That if I need a minute, I’ll take it before I respond. That way, you’ll only ever hear my words and not just my reactions or my emotions.”