Under Loch and Key

by Lana Ferguson

I never imagined that my death would come by way of a sheep avalanche, but as I watch the tumbling mass of floof barreling down the hill toward the stretch of road I am currently stalled on—it occurs to me that it would at least be a memorable way to go.

My entire life, I have been told to fear this woman, the one I didn’t know existed until just now—but she certainly doesn’t look like the end of the world as I know it.

Her smile changes her already pretty face to something breathtaking—straight white teeth with the two front ones just slightly longer than the rest and somehow making her smile all the more endearing.

“But Nessie has always been a girl!” “I did try to hint at the falsity of that, you remember,” I remind her. “Outside of Loch Land.” “Yeah, but I just thought you were being a dick.” “No, I was trying to tell you that Nessie has a dick.”

She looks excited, damn her. Why does she look so bloody excited? Can’t she be properly terrified of me? I’m a monster, for fuck’s sake. Not a fucking puppy.