Bananapants

by Penny Reid

“Imagine being stuck in the saddest day of your life. But imagine you have amnesia and you don’t know why you’re sad, you only know you are the saddest you’ve ever been and your brain is telling you nothing will ever get better, even though it doesn’t make sense and is illogical. Breathing hurts, thinking hurts, you want to cry but know that won’t help and you’ll end up with a stuffy nose and a headache. Talking about it makes no difference because there is only sadness and no known reason for it. And, on top of that, you have to fight off a bear—a grizzly bear only you can see, with claws and jaws, who hates you and who tells you you’re worthless. That’s what a low day feels like for me.”

My support system is essential. My doctors. My mom, my sister, my grandparents. Even Sue, Uncle Dan and his family, Alex. But I needed to figure out the reason, and it couldn’t be one person. It couldn’t be, and it can never be, another person loving me or not loving me enough.”