Bananapants

by Penny Reid

I've always maintained, no matter what a person is struggling with, finding great love is always possible. There are moments of joy in every life. No life is "such a tragedy" that joy is not possible.

Having enough of—of—of whatever this was, I said, “So, first of all, that’s a creepy thing to say. Why are you going around being scary? Don’t do that.”

There was a reason I never dated “nice view” guys. The view was nice at the top, sure, but elevators don’t always work, and it’s a lot of stairs between a great view and the safety of the ground floor.

I froze. Everywhere. All the molecules in my body halted. Mitochondria stopped mitochondria-ing.

If today wasn’t the best example of making lemonade out of a dumpster fire, I didn’t know what was.

I leaned forward and picked up my drink. Decaf Earl Grey, watered down to look like whiskey. On the rocks. Aged zero years.

I’d been listening to music, audiobooks, and podcasts nonstop since returning from work yesterday. I’d gone into work yesterday because I felt like, if I allowed my brain any silence, something bad might happen. I even went to sleep with my headphones on, my favorite K-drama OST playlist blaring.

“Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.” ― Vincent van Gogh, Attributed; The Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

I hated it when a person told me bipolar gave me superpowers, when they tried to turn it into something valuable, something I should be proud of, or something I’d overcome. It felt incredibly patronizing, like being patted on the head.

It’s all weirdos, trying to do their best, and looking like fools until they meet that person who makes them feel exceptional instead of foolish.”

telling someone who’s anxious, “Hey, relax” was like adding lighter fluid to a fire you wanted to extinguish.

After a day full of meetings that could’ve been emails, I was more than ready to go home. Except I wasn’t going home.

This guy was shadier than a redwood.

Des: What are your lunch plans?? Ava: I have to work through lunch. There’s an evil meeting Des: Why is it evil? Ava: Because it could be accomplished with an email

Also, biggest disappointment of my life, the word palindrome isn’t a palindrome. Why is that? It doesn’t make sense to my brain. Who are these people assigning meaning to words? Someone slept on that.

“I think I haven’t been paying attention to my illness like I should. I’ve been skipping meals or not eating the right ones, not sleeping as much. I didn’t go to the pool for a few days last week. I fell out of my good habits. So bipolar decided to remind me that I’m its bitch.”

And what you’re feeling now, your depression, is not your fault. No one sticks to their good habits all the time, and it’s so unfair that you can’t even take a short break from making perfect choices without suffering like this.