The City and Its Uncertain Walls

by Haruki Murakami

As long as you really are seeking the real me. These were the words you didn’t venture to say.

But truly wishing for something, from the heart, isn’t that simple. It might take time. In the meanwhile, you might have to give up all sorts of things. Things that you treasure. But don’t give up, no matter how long it takes. The town isn’t going anywhere.”

All you need to do is read all the old dreams collected on the shelves of the library.”

And so another day in the town drew to a close. The days passed, the seasons changed. Yet days and seasons are but temporary things. The real time of the town is found elsewhere.

Were we boyfriend and girlfriend? Was it okay to easily label us that? I don’t know. But at least during that period, for nearly a year, our hearts were purely one, unsullied by anything beyond. And we went on to create and share a special, secret world of our own—a strange town surrounded by a high wall.

I think you spoke so politely because, though you were still sixteen, I was no longer seventeen. For you I was now a grown man, far older than you. It couldn’t be helped, yet the passage of time pained me.

Ah….

I think everyone in the world has secrets. They’re necessary for people to survive in this world.

“People there all have shadows with them.”

“When you have a plate on top of your head it’s best not to look up at the sky.”

I guess I should have been happy about that. Because you were happy.

Demam pun aku rela asal kamu senang, gitu lah ya intinya… ㅠㅠ

My shadow said, “It’s up to you to decide what you’re looking for in your life. It’s your life, after all. I’m a mere appendage. I don’t have any great wisdom, nor any real role to play. Yet if I totally vanish, it will cause some inconvenience. I don’t want to sound conceited, but I haven’t been with you all this time for no reason.”

All sorts of scary stories about the world outside the town were whispered among the people, most of them completely baseless.

You think what’s in the outside world is the girl’s shadow and the real girl is here in this town. But is that true? It might be the opposite. Maybe what’s in the world outside is the real girl, and what’s here is merely a shadow. If that’s true, then what’s the point of remaining in this world of made-up stories and contradictions? Are you certain about this—that the girl in this town is the real her?”

This town is not perfect. Even the wall isn’t perfect. Nothing’s perfect in this world. Everything has its weak point, and one of the weak points of this town is those beasts.

“Okay, but I can’t leave this town. I’m sorry, but you go on by yourself.”

What?!!! Why??

“But why?” “First of all, I don’t see a reason to return to the world I came from. In that world I’ll only get more and more lonely. And come face-to-face with an even greater darkness. There’s no way I can be happy there. We can’t say this town is a perfect place. As you pointed out, it’s rife with contradictions. And to eliminate those contradictions, there are all sorts of processes at work. And eternity is a long time. During that time my consciousness, as a separate being, will gradually fade. The town will eventually swallow me. But even if that happens, I don’t care. As long as I’m here, I won’t be lonely. Because in this town I know what I should do, what I ought to do.”

“I’m here. You can ask me about anything at all. And I’ll give you an answer.”

Gue curiga, library ini emang punyanya Mr. Koyasu sendiri.

“That’s right, I no longer live in this world. I’m as dead as a cold iron nail.”

I did anticipate it but still a surprise, my head hurts now.

But at least I can say that the thirst for knowledge itself is important and meaningful, and libraries exist, after all, to satisfy that.”

He never abandons a book halfway. He doesn’t judge or pick and choose a book like most people do, based on whether it’s interesting or not, or holds their interest. For him a book is a vessel for information that you have to collect down to the last detail, every final piece. Most people who, say, read an Agatha Christie novel and enjoy it might read a few more of her works. But that doesn’t apply to him. He doesn’t select books according to groupings.”

I’d suddenly realize I’d been wearing the same sweater for a whole week, or the same trousers. And I hadn’t even noticed it. So I was in no position to comment about the boy always wearing his Yellow Submarine parka.

ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

On the paper was a nearly accurate map of that town surrounded by a high wall.

How does the boy know?

What I’m getting at is in the realm of metaphor. The town behind a wall most definitely does exist. What I want to say is that there isn’t a set route to get there. The path to get there differs from person to person. So if you decided to go ahead, you wouldn’t be able to take him by the hand and lead him there. He has to discover, through his own power, his own personal route.”

“I think the wall surrounding the town is the consciousness that creates you as a person. Which is why the wall can freely change shape apart from any personal intentions. A person’s consciousness is the same as a glacier, with only a fraction of it showing above the water. Most of it is hidden, unseen, sunk in a dark place.”

a white sandbank, a river flowing all around us. We would go no farther. For me, and for her, there was no need to travel further back in time. My memories and my reality overlapped here, blending together as one. And I was watching this happen.

At that time neither you nor I had names. The radiant feelings of a seventeen-year-old and a sixteen-year-old on the grass of a riverbank, in the summer twilight, were the only things that mattered. Stars would soon be twinkling above us, and they had no names either.

Did you know that? The two of us are nothing more than someone else’s shadows.

Become one with me? “Yes, that’s right. It might sound outlandish, but it isn’t. In fact, it’s only natural. You and I joined together. Since I am, from the start, you, and you are, from the start, me.”

HAH?