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“It’s a girl!” Lottie shouts and throws her arms around Huxley. He holds her tightly, kissing the top of her head, and . . . Jesus Christ . . . is that a tear in his eye? No, it can’t be. Is it? And then, lo and behold, he reaches up and rubs his eye. Oh my God, Huxley Cane is crying. “Is that what I think it is?” Lia says quietly. “If you think Huxley is crying, then you’re right.” “Wow, never thought I’d see the day.” “I don’t think anyone did.”
“Are you breathing into a bag?” JP asks as I’m on the phone with him. “YES!” I shout through the brown paper. “Why?” “Because I’m freaking the fuck out,” I say as I pace my bedroom. After Lia blew me off, I stood in her apartment for a few minutes, thinking that maybe she was only joking and she would come back, but when she didn’t, dread started to fill my brain. Why did she just walk out like that? Who is she going to go see? Why didn’t she make solid plans for when she returned? Why am I a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times?
“What the fuck does this have to do with Lia?” I nearly yell. “Well, the deli is next to a coffee shop, and in the coffee shop window, I can see Lia . . . with a guy who I think is Brian.” “What?” I shout. “Take a picture. Take a goddamn picture right now.” “Isn’t that a little stalker-y?” “JP, I’m going to fucking rip your dick off if you don’t take a picture right fucking now.”
“What are they doing now?” I ask. “FaceTime me. Let me see what’s happening.” “Are you kidding me? Dude, I bolted immediately. I’m in the deli.” “Well, go back. Stand outside the window, watch everything, tell me everything. Are they going to hug? Kiss? Fuck, I think I’m going to throw up.” “Will you settle down? I’m already dealing with a hormonal wife. I don’t need a hormonal brother as well.” “Excuse me, but when Kelsey was going out with another guy, I’m pretty sure I was fucking there for you.” “Yeah, and you were also single with nothing better to do than to soothe my aching soul. I’m
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“And for the love of God, don’t tell her I saw her and sent you a picture. That shit will get back to Kelsey, and she’ll have my nuts.” He lowers his voice. “I truly am scared, man. She’s something different when pregnant.” “Wow, you make wanting a family so much less desirable.” “Currently, it’s a three out of ten for me. I’d not recommend it.”
As for JP, well, he has become ultra annoying, clinging to me every chance he can get to stay away from what he refers to as the “she-devil,” aka Kelsey. The pregnancy hormones have apparently scared JP right out of his own house. Not sure what he’s talking about because she’s been absolutely pleasant to me.
