I twist. He turns. He jumps. I clutch. And then, with a big crash to the floor, he falls on top of me, pillowing my face with what I can only assume is his stomach. “Jesus fuck,” he says. I open my eyes and come face to face with man scrotum. A man’s freaking scrotum! “Ahhh!” I scream and swat at his leg. “Your penis is on my face. Your penis is on my face.” “I know. Fuck,” he yells, attempting to get off me. “Where is your underwear?” “I don’t wear underwear at night.” “Dear God! It’s on my nose! Your genitals are resting on my freaking nose!” “I fucking know!” he yells back. “But I can’t get
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