A Not So Meet Cute (Cane Brothers, #1)

by Meghan Quinn

“Let’s go inside, figure this out. Form a plan. We’ll get you out of this mess, even if it means you sleep on the floor of my studio apartment for a few weeks.” “And here I thought I’d hit rock bottom, but you just offered up a whole new low.”

Lottie just stares at me, as if she can’t believe I’m here, eating ice cream in her mom’s kitchen, acting as though nothing is wrong.

“By making up the fact that you have a pregnant fiancée? Wow, Huxley, you really are in some deep shit, aren’t you?”

“I’m also going to need your ring size. My fiancée will be properly adorned with a ring.” She swallows hard. “Fine, but I’m going to need to know your dick size before you leave.” “Why do you need to know that?” I ask. “Because,” she says with a smile, “I need to know if I have to act like a happy fiancée, or a truly satisfied fiancée.”

Would living with Huxley be easier? Sure, probably, but I don’t know the guy. What insane person would just move in with a complete stranger? Not me. And my sister would never allow it. “You know, it might not be a bad idea,” Kelsey says. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the ground.

“What do you think is the upkeep on those vines?” “Please don’t ask questions like that,” Huxley says. “Makes you sound uncultured.”

She hands me the glass and then takes a seat. I lean into her ear and ask, “Did you spit in this?” She leans in close and whispers back, “If Ellie wasn’t helping me, I would’ve licked the rim, spit in the water, and then added vinegar as a delicious touch.”

You’re like a dead fish in a button-up shirt.”

After a few seconds and some large gulps of coffee, she sets down my mug and slowly turns toward me. “Your seven thirty breakfast is absolute horse shit.”

“He was thinking more than she was just hot. I caught him writing J and K Forever on a Post-it in his office.”

The need for this woman pummels me, and I can feel myself holding on by a thread.

“I never judge. Love is love. Lust is lust. As long as everyone gives consent, let people live.”

Huxley: Ask me a question, we’ve been too quiet on this ride. Lottie: Uh . . . what did you have for breakfast? Huxley: Jesus Christ. Out loud. Ask me a question out loud. “Oh,” I say quietly and then chuckle. Facing Huxley, I ask, “How’s your rash doing?”

“Rash is fine,” he answers through clenched teeth. “But now that you bring it up, is your yeast infection improving?”

“Sounds good to me. I know watching me come turns you on, but if you could refrain from sounding like a barnyard animal while I come, that would be great. The mooing is a weird habit you’ve picked up.”

Lottie turns distinctively into my shoulder and whispers, “She looks as if she just busted out of the insane asylum.”

But it’s the sight to my left that really has me rethinking all of my decisions. Standing tall and proud, hands on his hips, is Dave, with a massive erection poking against his pants.

Breaker: Did you at least congratulate Dave on his boner? Huxley: When does a guy ever congratulate another guy on his boner? Breaker: Might be something nice to do. A solid pat on the back and then a compliment. “Nice bone, man.” Huxley: Fuck knows why I talk to you two.

The silence is so deafening that if someone walked in, they’d think they were walking in on a funeral. A funeral for my self-respect.

Huxley: Okay . . . have you ever been in love? I stare down at my phone, reading his question over and over again. For such a robotic man, I never thought he’d ask a question like that. When I said hard, I meant something like “Who would you die on a sword for? Team Jacob or Team Edward?” Side note . . . glitter dick, all day, every day.

“Say it right now that you don’t want this and I’ll go back to eating my salad. If not, I’m going to eat you.”

His eyes meet mine. “I don’t hear you at night.” “I make sure of it,” I say. “Don’t.” He stops his fingers. “If you play with yourself at night, I want to fucking hear it. I want to hear your moans. I want to know that you’re satisfied.” “Would you want to watch?” His mouth presses another kiss, and another. “Yes. I’d watch.”

But, before they can step on, I say, “Lottie, Kelsey, meet us in the boardroom. We’ll be right with you.” The look of surprise on Lottie’s face gives me all the confirmation I need. I just did the right fucking thing. “Huxley?” “We’ll be right there. Go set up.” I let her know with my eyes that I mean business.

I can’t be sure how long we nap, but it isn’t until I’m being carried up the stairs of Huxley’s house that I realize I’m no longer on the raft. In a haze, I open my eyes and blink a few times. “What’s happening?” I ask, confused. “I didn’t want you to get burnt. The sun came out again,” he whispers softly.

He lifts the top to the butter crock and swipes butter over the bread. He’s not smooth about it by any means. He’s actually quite clumsy, which I find adorable, and at one point, he pierces the knife through the bread, making it seem as though I’m sitting in the front row to an awful infomercial where they don’t know how to do simple things like cut a slice of cheese.

“You left me in charge while you went to the bathroom.” “I told you to check it in a few seconds to see if it was done and then to take it off the heat. You turned up the heat.” “Something the supervisor should’ve been there to watch.”

“As if God couldn’t stop with the good looks, he had to bless him with the penis of all penises.” “Figured as much. A man with such a stern gaze doesn’t have a floppy noodle between his legs.”

Ellie laughs. “Isn’t she fun? Come on, Lottie, just feel. You can feel what the baby will be sucking on. You know I don’t care at all.” She might not care, but I do. “It’s very educational,” Ann says. “You can mimic the sucking sensation.” I laugh and shake my head. “I’m all about education, but I think I’m good with not sucking my friend’s nipple.”

“Are you going to fangirl out?” “Uh, yeah,” she says with confidence. “If you didn’t expect that, you clearly don’t know me at all. And I expect you to fangirl out as well.” “I’ll get my girly scream ready.”

“If you don’t get that back table, I’ll never suck your cock again,” I whisper to Huxley, who chuckles and moves forward in front of Dave. Hands out, he says, “Ah, damn, looks as if we can’t sit next to each other. We’ll take this back table.” “Oh, what a shame,” Ellie says, scanning the tables. “Well, might be for the best, I think our little Enoch is crushing on your one-eyed Judith.” Ellie winks and then takes off toward the front with Dave.

I flip Judith over and find her on switch. I move it to the right, turn her back over, and then with one eye, she blinks at me. Blinks again. And then . . . wails. “Dear Christ,” I say, tossing her on the table, which only makes her wail even louder. “What are you doing?” Huxley asks. “You’re drawing attention to us.” “Not on purpose.” “Why is she so loud?” he asks, picking her up by the leg. “Because she has one eye and isn’t happy about life,” I answer while looking around. “I don’t think you should hold her like that.”

I pause my theatrics and try not to vomit from the putrid smell on my face. “Judith is experiencing an exorcism,” I say.

He chuckles and leans in, placing a soft, open-mouthed kiss to my lips. When he pulls away, he quietly says, “Lottie, trust me when I say you’re not imposing. I want you in my house, in my room, in my bed. I want you on my couch, holding my hand while watching a show you’ve forced me to reluctantly binge. I want you in my pool, skinny-dipping like you enjoy so much. I want you on my roof, feeling the rain bounce off you during a storm. I want you at my dining room table, eating dinner next to me, giving me a hard time for whatever reason you come up with that day.” He lifts my knuckles to his lips and places a soft kiss to them. “I want you, okay?”

Kelsey sighs and leans back on her bed. “Can I say something and you not hate me?” “No. I have all the right to hate you for whatever comes out of your mouth.”

She paired the dress with four-inch black stilettos, my kryptonite. I immediately reached for her but she blocked me with a stiff arm, saying I wasn’t allowed to touch her sexually until after the reunion because she didn’t want me ruining her hair and makeup.