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Finding a rich husband isn’t the solution to your problems. What are you going to do, get married next week?” “Love can happen
I’ve performed my fair share of miracles, but finding a woman to fall in love with me, accept my proposal, and get pregnant in three days seems like a bit of a stretch.
and—hello, man chest—the
Does he not like guac or is he not willing to pay the extra money? A question for the ages.
don’t know what it feels like to be nervous,” he says in such a straight, monotone
He finishes up his burrito, and if this guy were my bro right now, I’d offer up a high five for the annihilation of his meal. Color me impressed.
lettuce, and she likes to pile on the guac. She’s always worried because it costs extra, but you know”—I swallow hard—“what my baby wants, my baby gets.” JP snorts.
“Well, don’t you . . . flatter yourself either,” I say. “Ooo,
She’s more than a catch, she’s absolute perfection.
“What would you have pegged me as?” “I don’t know, constantly playing ‘The Imperial March’ over and over in your head.”
Pushing past him, I say, “Crawl up your own scrotum and drown.”
“Hello, dear honey . . . bottoms.” I smile. “You’re looking ravishing.”
“Oh, that smells nice.” I pat his head. “Not musky at all. Just . . . you know, like a man should smell. All mountainy and rich. You smell very rich.”
“For the love of God, tell me that’s not how she acted in front of Dave,” the guy to the right says.
slouches.
“I have no idea what the fuck that was, but it wasn’t what she did Saturday.”
treat people with kindness.”
Ask me a question, we’ve been too quiet on this ride. Lottie: Uh . . . what did you have for breakfast? Huxley: Jesus Christ. Out loud. Ask me a question out loud. “Oh,” I say quietly
“Excuse me for being put on the spot and not remembering. I’ll have you know, I often black out in stressful situations, so . . . good luck with that.”
“Lottie . . . Lottie Bug, is that you?”
“Huh,” I say, tilting my head. “Can’t quite place you.” The softest of snorts escapes Lottie’s nose, and I’m sure I’m the only one who heard
No, I’m not flirting with him. That was just telling the truth,
“Pretty sure no one has ever called me a neat guy before.” “Such a shame.”
“But then I quickly realized you were a lunatic.”
Sounds familiar
Eyes wide, I ask, “Do they think I’m a gold digger? Because I’m not. I’ll break up with you right now to prove them wrong.” “They
pause my theatrics and try not to vomit from the putrid smell on my face. “Judith is experiencing an exorcism,” I say.
“And congrats on the swear words. Quite impressive, Lottie.”
“Yeah.” He chuckles and then shifts in his seat. “Had dinner with Dave Toney the other night, and he told me all about your fake engagement and pregnancy.” Dwayne shakes his head. “I’m not sure I’d be able to pull off something like that but Dave said you were killing
That’s annoyingly thoughtful.
“Fuck, it is sweat. He doesn’t ever sweat.”
clasp my hands together and chuckle. “He’s laughing. Is that a good laugh or a he’s lost his mind laugh?”
