Want: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous

by Gillian Anderson

Perhaps to be truly worshipped means to be loved, adored and respected, despite our ordinariness, and the fact that we sometimes, if not more than sometimes, get it wrong.

Writing this has made me think of a quote I saved on my phone: ‘I just want a humble, murderously simple thing: that a person be glad when I walk into the room.’ (Marina Tsvetaeva, from ‘On Love’.)

Most of my deepest desires rest in desire itself. I sometimes don’t know how to say something in anything but poetry, because that’s what I want – to be wanted as exquisitely as words sound resting next to one another; to be as beguiled as I am when I read a sonnet. That’s what I search for – to be dominated so perfectly it is poetry.

There are breaks while we sleep, and then I am woken up again, to fuck. And then at the end, we all go back to sleep together, curled up like a basket of kittens, exhausted and full of oxytocin.