Honey & Spice

by Bolu Babalola

You started talking in the abstract. Flipped the attention off you. Theorized what I said. That’s what you do on your show. This isn’t the show, Kiki. This is just . . . a guy and a girl hanging out. Under weird pretenses, but still. We’re hanging out for real. And I’m saying that I like hanging out with you.”

“Maybe I’ll put it all in a Google Calendar and share it with you for efficiency.” His voice dropped octaves. “Kiki, you can’t talk dirty to me in a restaurant.” “I’m sorry. I just . . . I get so carried away.” “Clearly.” He ran his eyes across me in theatrical disgust. “Control yourself. We have work to do.”

“I like your turtleneck by the way. Very Nia Long in Love Jones. I have a mad crush on Nia Long in Love Jones. Actually, I have a mad crush on Nia Long generally. Anyway, I like your turtleneck.”

“No pet names.” Malakai threw a look at me from the corner of his eye. “So, no more Scotch?” I slowed down as I hitched the strap of my bag onto my shoulder. I shrugged and schooled my voice to be casual. “Scotch is different. It’s fine.” I cleared my throat. “I like Scotch.” Malakai tucked in a smile and crooked his arm to allow mine to link through as we walked out of the coffee shop. “Me, too.”

Adolescent risk wasn’t tasty when my whole life felt like it was tipping on the edge.

This was Gotta Hear Both Sides for Brown Sugar, and I hope everyone got something out of this. I definitely did. I’m K.” “And I’m Kai.” “And until next time lovers, stay sweet.”

You couldn’t be caught out if you kept yourself out.

“I’m involved in a decision for my life for once. Ain’t that manly?”

“Yeah, you’re right, Dad. I guess the months I couldn’t get out of bed weren’t very manly.”

His eyes were assiduously trained down, jaw tight, tense with the memory of the emotional burden of carrying information that would rupture your family and also having your hero lose his status in a matter of seconds.

Like maybe if I was in a relationship long enough, I’d turn out like him? I thought it was better to avoid them altogether.

So if you’re a robot, you’re one of them robots that everyone is scared will overthrow humans one day because they’re so emotionally sophisticated. If you’re a robot you’re a really sexy despotic one.”

“I’mma get you that horny reading hot tub time, Scotch.”

“You better not let me go, Kai.” “Get set!” Malakai bent his knees slightly, his hold on my thighs firm. “Already made that mistake the other night.” What? “Go!”

I was in this. I wasn’t on the outside anymore.

If I fuck this up, I will never forgive myself. This isn’t a casual thing to me. You’re not just a link to me. You’re it to me.”

His gaze bolted into mine, eyes raw, glacial, slicing right through me. “Don’t act like I made this thing between us up. Don’t fucking do that.”

“Why do you sound so reasonable right now? Like what you’re saying isn’t nuts?”

But I knew however I felt then would be better than how I would feel if I let myself enter us fully, and for him to later turn from me, rip it from under me, make me feel like an idiot for even believing in us. I wasn’t ready to risk it. I was right not to risk it. Because he obviously agreed with me.

The sentence hung in the air and Malakai’s eyes mellowed with regret immediately, shiny. His anger crumpled. He ran his hand across the back of his head. “Shit. Scotch, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—” “You did. And don’t call me Scotch.”

So this is what I know. I know how it feels when I get the perfect shot. When the light hits a certain way, and someone’s expression is the perfect display of emotion. It feels like you’ve hit on something sacred. That’s how I feel when I look at her. She’s the perfect shot. And the perfect shot isn’t about something being flawless, it’s about the truth. She’s the truth to me. Clarity. The world is doable when she is near me.”

“I also know how my favorite movies make me feel. They pull me in and pull me out, I am totally in their world, but they also make me look in. I watch them and feel home, I watch them and feel like I can never know enough, I watch them over and over, always ready to discover the universe they create. That’s how she makes me feel. There’s a whole universe in her and I would be so lucky to live in it, explore it. Over and over.”