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He had a nice mouth, well-shaped in an unobtrusive way, with a gentle, almost wistful upward turn to it as though it was his habit both to smile and to hope. Daizell liked people who smiled and hoped because he did so himself. Sometimes those were the only things he could do.
I mean, if one is used to being held up by a – a scaffolding of other people, and has never encountered emergencies, might one not discover one is helpless without that support?’ Daizell wasn’t entirely sure what he was actually being asked, but it sounded painful. ‘Everyone relies on other people. And eventually most people let you down, one way or another, so I dare say it’s a good thing to practise dealing with difficulties on your own. But I don’t see there’s any great moral virtue in it.’ ‘Do you not think independence is a virtue?’ ‘Overrated,’ Daizell said. ‘One should be able to do
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There was only one bed.
It didn’t really matter if Cassian, a gentleman of wealth but no account, thought he was a good person. The world had decided him to be a not-quite gentleman of bad stock and poor character, and one man’s opinion wouldn’t change that. But all the same, here in the quiet of the room, it felt like everything.
‘Don’t say a stupid idea. It isn’t stupid to want things.’ ‘It can be,’ Cassian said, with feeling. ‘No, it isn’t. Sometimes it’s stupid to try to get them, or we go about getting them in stupid ways, but you can desire whatever you want.
the idea of exposing the details of those private dreams was excruciating. The only worse prospect was that of holding back now and wondering for the rest of his life what might have happened if he were braver.
Not that Daizell had any right or reason to dream of that imagined quiet existence. He knew perfectly well it was too much to ask of life. Unfortunately, that knowledge didn’t stop him hoping. He always hoped. He wished he could stop.
I truly thought we’d rub along so much better than we did. After all, once we were married we’d have lots of money and that solves most problems, doesn’t it? And I didn’t lie to him. One might have thought he’d prefer an honest arrangement to a flattering deception.
‘My uncle likes to say, if the truth shames you, the fault lies with you, not with the truth.’
I can’t keep only mattering when other people care, because they always stop caring. I can’t be disposable all my life.’
‘You overstate matters, Leo,’ Kentridge said, in his mild way. ‘People tolerate a great deal more and worse from all corners of the House of Lords than anything Severn has done. I might even suggest that Lord Hugo’s very natural desire to fulfil his obligations in loco parentis, and Severn’s exceedingly tolerant nature, have led to rather an oppressive set of expectations around his conduct which, so far, has been faultless to a fault.’
Daizell looked at him, so earnest, so determined to get it right, and wondered how happiness could make your heart hurt.
Cassian wasn’t without his own experience of being disregarded or mocked, in its way: he knew what it felt like, he was always in the public view, and he had a great deal of reputation to lose. And yet here he was, putting himself at hazard for Daizell.
‘It’s highly convenient we found each other, really.’ ‘Sometimes one can believe in a well-ordered universe,’ Cassian agreed, and snuggled back against him, sweaty, sticky, and entirely perfect.
