Intermezzo

by Sally Rooney

Had believed once that life must lead to something, all the unresolved conflicts and questions leading on towards some great culmination.

Under what conditions is life endurable?

Then imagine being an attractive woman and it’s not just one man you have to avoid, but almost all of them.

And it almost never is for extraneous reasons, because mutual attraction – which even makes sense from the evolutionary perspective – is simply the strongest reason to do anything, overriding all the contrary principles and making them fall away into nothing.

She lets out a little breath almost into his mouth, a little sigh, as if she likes to be touched that way. Who can explain such a thing, and why even try to explain: an understanding shared between two people.

Something about a liar who says all of his hats are green. Does that mean he has some hats, all of which aren’t green? Or maybe he has no hats. Would it still be a lie, if he didn’t have any?

I suppose it’s my personality as well. You know, if I can’t do something properly, I don’t want to do it at all.

Nonetheless, it is better to feel hopeful and optimistic about one’s life on earth while engaged in the never-ending struggle to pay rent, than to feel despondent and depressed while engaged in the same non-optional struggle anyway.

What they were born to, he has to work for. Taste, manners, culture.

Only wanted to sleep alone in a safe clean room in the peace of her own company. Book on the nightstand, cup of tea, turning out the light at eleven o’clock.

Like he just sort of exited from time, and we all have to keep going, within time.

I just feel like there were certain things left unfinished, he says. You know, that we didn’t talk about, or that I didn’t understand.