Dirty Headlines

by L.J. Shen

“Semi-drunk and conventionally beautiful: a predator’s wet dream.”

“Because I’m above fucking a drunk girl, and I would very much like to fuck you tonight,”

Honestly this would work on me

And this is the part they don’t tell you about losing a loved one to cancer: They’re not the only people being eaten alive. When they get it, you get it. The cancer nibbles away at your time with them, feasts on the happy moments, feeds off every second of bliss. It devours your paycheck and savings. It nourishes itself on your misery and multiplies in your chest, even if you don’t have it.

“I’m the man who fucked you senseless and you can’t stop thinking about. I’m the asshole you masturbate to in order to get off. I’m the guy who will destroy my competition, especially when it comes to Mathias Laurent. So, do yourself a favor and keep your pussy—my pussy—as far away from him as possible. Compris?”

A forty-six-year-old lesbian who thought white, upper-class men were Satan was my wingman. I think I wanted that on my fucking tombstone.

“And you’re good news?” I huffed. “I’m the best fucking news, have been for two consecutive years, and I have the numbers to back it up.”

Cocky bastard

He looked under our table at my Chucks. Orange. “Stimulation, sensation, and heat,” he commented. “Even you know I’m going to fuck you tonight.” I rolled my eyes.

Why am I loving his confidence 😭😭😭

If Célian met chivalry in a dark alley, he would beat it to death, then find its sister, generosity, and kill her too.

“I need to quit you,” she mumbled to herself. I need to own you.

“You can stay over.” I ignored her jab. “The daily trip to Brooklyn is bullshit. I can give you the spare key.” Am I fucking high? What was in that pasta? I only had one shot.

LMFAOOO UHUHHHH

I grabbed it, took out the SIM and split it in half before inserting it back into her phone and smashing the whole thing against the floor. If that guy wanted Judith, he’d have to look for her the old-fashioned way, among the eight million residents of New York. Break a leg, buddy.

HES LITERALLY INSANE LMAOOOO

“I can’t fall in love, Célian. I’m broken.” “Good. Let’s be broken together, then.”

We unpacked the duffel bag under a huge tree. Célian was surprisingly organized for our picnic.

A PICNIC HE KOVES HER

But falling into the wrong hands is just as bad as crashing into nothing.”

When she left, the smell of hope crawled into my nostrils, the smell of her vanilla shampoo and gingery, spicy perfume. And I had to admit, I liked it a whole a lot better.

P.P.S. I meant it about the claws. I am planning on keeping this one for a while.

IM SWOONINGGGG

“I didn’t give you your iPod back because I wanted to keep a piece of you with me,” I admitted. And won. And lost. And what the fuck?

Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys. Underrated. Romantic. Different. Jude.

“Is she worth everything you’ve ever worked for?” She pinched her lower lip between her fingers nervously. Yes. Yes she is.

Most of all, I hated that I was going to hurt her. Not because she deserved it, but because I didn’t know how not to.

Truth of the matter was, I couldn’t verbally rip her limb from limb, even when she belittled me in public, because I didn’t want to. Because I cared about her. I was in love with her.

“I fucking love you,” I blurted, and I nearly choked on the air inside my lungs. Not that she didn’t know by now, but still.

“Let the record show that I took another job just so you could keep yours at LBC,” I told her before my throat closed. “Being away from you would feel like living without limbs. And I very much enjoy my limbs.” The look on her face was priceless. It was every fantastic

“I don’t think I’m much of a father figure, but if you want kids, we’ll have kids,” he’d told me. “Hell, if you want rabies, we’ll catch it together. Make a day of it.”