I Must Say: My Life as a Humble Comedy Legend

by Martin Short

One reviewer said that I was unconvincing not only as Rocky but also as a male.

His head has always had that perfect lightbulb shape. When you stand a certain distance from him, it looks like his suit had a great idea.

something terrible can happen to you, and yet, the day after this something terrible, the sun still rises, and life goes on. And therefore, so must you.

Ah, but balls of steel are earned, I thought, not grown.

Gilda was a rare event, hard to explain if not experienced in person. I had never met a woman so comfortable in her strangeness.

“If you’ve got buck teeth, either be a clown or get them fixed!” spirit.

But Marion wasn’t a character on SNL, nor was he trying to be funny. And yet, as he earnestly tried to explain why the shop had failed to remove the ink stain from my shirt, he was utterly priceless: “Mr. Shorm, I tried to get dat ink stain from yer outerwear, I did. But dat fucker didn’t want to come out from where it had made a home, it didn’t.”

played in a sketch written by Eugene Levy called “Half-Wits”: a game show whose contestants were slow people.

My morning glass of milk comes from cats.

“If I ever find out that you’ve cheated on me, I won’t say anything during the day, but at night, when you are asleep, so help me God, I will take an empty wine bottle and smash it over your head.” That certainly can get a fella thinking.

What I came to understand is that critical favor, talent, and tenacity are only part of the formula for a hit. You also need luck and good timing.

And when in doubt, the little black cocktail dress is always in style . . . especially for women.

This lesson is, I suppose, a major reason I wrote this book: because along the way I’ve picked up the wisdom that bad things happen, and yet the sun still comes up the next day, and it’s up to you to carry on living your life and keeping your setbacks in perspective.