I Must Say: My Life as a Humble Comedy Legend

by Martin Short

There was no requirement that every guest had to perform, or that, if you did, your performance had to be musical. One of the most original nonmusical moments came courtesy of Jan Hooks, who was not only a star of Saturday Night Live but also played Jiminy Glick’s wife, Dixie Glick, in various TV shows with me, as well as the movie Jiminy Glick in Lalawood. Jan is a southerner, from Georgia. I asked her if she was going to do anything, and she casually replied, “Oh, I don’t know. I might do something from To Kill a Mockingbird. But if I do, and if, at one point, I run away, catch me.” More than a little puzzled, I said, “Very good then.” At the next opportunity, I stood before the crowd and announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, Jan Hooks!” Jan stood before the crowd, slowly eyeballed the gathered attendees with a surly face, and then began ranting at high volume. “I got something to say! And then I ain’t gonna say no more!” she shouted. “He took advantage of me! And if you fine, fancy gentlemen ain’t gonna do nothin’ about it, then you’re just a bunch of lousy, yella, stinkin’ cowards! The whole bunch of ya! And your fancy airs don’t come to nothin’! Your ‘Ma’am’-in’! And your ‘Miss Mayella’-in’! It don’t come to nothin’, Mr. Finch!” At that, fully committed, she ran tearfully into my arms. It was Mayella Ewell’s angry courtroom tirade from To Kill a Mockingbird, after the attorney Atticus Finch has ripped holes in the young woman’s testimony that his black client, Tom Robinso...