M*A*S*H: A Novel About Three Army Doctors

by Richard Hooker

“OK,” said Haskell, “but I still don’t think you’re normal.” “I ain’t. Normal people go crazy in this place.”

“No,” Henry said. “You’re wrong. You won’t believe it, but it’s not a punishment.” “Then what is it?” the Duke said. “It feels like a punishment.” “It’s ironic,” Henry said, “but it’s because you two, like Trapper John, came here with more than average training and experience. You’ve done a good job when the chips were down, and now we can’t afford to waste you. If you went home now you’d be of no use to anyone but your wives. Therefore, we’ve got to keep you here until your enlistments expire.” “Ain’t that the damndest thing?” the Duke said. “In short,” Hawkeye said, “we screwed up in the wrong area. If we had dubbed it along in the working time and never given it the goddamn college try, we’d be back at some stateside hospital, living with our wives and behaving like officers and gentlemen? Is that right?” “Yeah,” agreed Henry with a broad grin.