M*A*S*H: A Novel About Three Army Doctors

by Richard Hooker

“Death is an elephant, torch-eyed and horrible, foam-flanked and terrible,” Hawkeye commented.

“My father was the keeper of the Eddystone light. He slept with a mermaid one fine night. Out of that union there came three—a porpoise and a porgy, and the other was me,” replied Hawkeye.

“‘Beware the Jabberwock, my son!’” said Colonel Blake, addressing Major Haskell, and then: “‘The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!’”

“Well,” said the Hawk finally, “when you live in this sort of situation long enough, you either get to love a few people or to hate them, and we’ve been pretty lucky. I don’t know. I do know that nothing like this will ever happen to us again. Never again, except in our families, will we ever be as close with anyone as we were in that goddamned tent for the past year, and with Ugly here and Dago and a few others. I’m glad it happened, and I’m some jeezely glad it’s over.”