Bully (Fall Away, #1)

by Penelope Douglas

Letting out a fake pitiful sigh, he declared, “I’ll have you in tears in no time.” His tone was calm and decisive. I believed every word. Taking a long breath, my eyes narrowed at him. “You’ve already made me cry countless times.” I raised my middle finger to him slowly, and asked, “Do you know what this is?” I took my middle finger and patted the corner of my eye with it. “It’s me, wiping away the last tear you’ll ever get.”

After coming out wrapped in my towel, I joined the other girls at the lockers, who were mostly dressed and going to dry their hair. “Get out. Tatum stays.” I jerked my head up at the masculine voice and audible gasps. I zoned in on Jared. . . .who was in the girls locker room!

“Hey, Tate. Do you just screw in the locker room or do you do blowjobs as well?” Hannah Forrest, queen bee of the mean girls, shouted to my back while I walked to Calculus. Her drones laughed with her. I spun around to face them and held my hand to my heart. “And steal all of your business?” I took the time to enjoy their dumbstruck looks before I twisted on my heel and headed to class.

“The boy doesn’t have to talk for me to look. I’m appreciating from afar.” “You have Liam, remember?” It bugged me that she was drooling over Jared, even if it was jokingly. He was beautiful, but it didn’t need to be pointed out like it actually mattered. His personality sucked.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if it had anything to do with you. He seemed moodier for a while but then got better. It’s just that I got to see him with different eyes. Before it was always about how he treated you—which was horrible,” she rushed to add. “But after you left, he seemed different. More human.”

“I hate you!” I screamed at him and meant every word. An ache settled in my gut. “Good!” he shouted in my face, boring down on me. “Finally. Because it’s been a long time since I could stand the sight of you!” He slammed his palm against the wall near my head, causing me to jump. Flinching, I screamed to myself. What had happened to us? He’d scared me, but I stood my ground, telling myself that he wasn’t going to hurt me, not physically. I knew that, didn’t I? My brain shouted for me to run, to get away from him. No tears fell, thankfully, but the pain of his words made my breathing almost turn to dry heaving. I had loved Jared once, but now I knew, without a doubt, that “my Jared” was gone.

Son of a bitch. Why did it always take me a second or two to remember why I hated him? His shiny brown hair was a mess. I loved that. His chocolate eyes glowed with confidence and mischief. I loved that. His toned arms and chest just made me wonder what his skin felt like. I loved that. He made me forget how awful he was. I hated that.

“Madman, come.” Jared barked, shocking me out of my little utopia. “Visitation’s over.” He whistled and pulled the board back, so Madman could slip through. “You hear that?” I choked, my lips quivering. “Back to your cell, little guy.” I let the dog lick my face, and then I patted his behind before gently pushing him away. Jared whistled again, and Madman ran back through the fence.

“No, I didn’t get off on it,” I answered calmly. “I feel nothing. You are nothing to me.” He flinched. “Don’t say that.” The heat from his mouth wafted around me as I leaned in. “Nothing,” I repeated, barely a whisper. “Now, get off—” His mouth crashed down on mine, drowning out my protest.

“Jared, I’ve turned it over and over in my head wondering what I could’ve done to make you act the way you did. And now you tell me that it was all for no reason?” I looked up to meet his eyes. His body inched closer, but I didn’t care. I wanted to hear more. “You were never clingy or a nuisance, Tate. The day you moved in next door I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I fucking loved you.” The last was barely a whisper as his eyes dropped to the ground.

There you were, riding your bike in the street. You were wearing overalls with a red baseball cap. Your hair was spilling down your back.” Jared didn’t meet my eyes with his confession.

“When you recited your monologue this week, I. . . ..” he drifted off with a sigh. “I knew then that I’d really gotten to you, and instead of feeling any satisfaction, I was angry with myself. I wanted to hate you all these years, I wanted to hate someone. But I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t really realize that until the monologue.”

“I’m not Nate or Madoc,” he threatened. “Or Ben.” And his meaning wasn’t lost on me. I wasn’t attracted to them, and he knew it.

He leaned in closer, his black-brown eyes making my body want to do things my brain knew it shouldn’t. His lips were an inch from mine, and I could smell his cinnamon breath. I hate him. I hate him. “Don’t,” I whispered. His eyes searched mine. “I promise. Not unless you ask.” His mouth dipped to the side and lightly grazed my cheek. Unwanted pleasure escaped my throat, and I let out a little moan. Dammit!

His lips moved back over my cheek, inching closer to my mouth. “I want to touch you.” His words were against my lips now. “I want to feel what’s mine. What’s always been mine.”

I’d never been in love. I guess I wouldn’t know anything until I’d experienced it. You may never know for sure, but as long as he’s worth it. I wrote. I think so . . . . . So Jared’s all yours. What?! The thumping in my chest actually hurt. Apparently, I took too long drowning in my own sweat, because she texted again. No worries, Tate. He was never mine anyway.

“I have absolutely nothing up my sleeve, Tate. I’ve actually come to beg your forgiveness.” Madoc took my hand, and I turned to look at him. He placed his hand over his heart and made a low bow. Oh, what now? Looking around to see the flood of students in the hall, all gawking at Madoc Caruthers making his grand gesture, I swatted him on the back. “Get up!” I whisper-yelled as people around us laughed and murmured to each other.

I was going to Homecoming with the one person in this school who made my skin crawl, I was getting attention from a gorgeous, star football player that I couldn’t care less about, and I was having wet dreams about a potential sociopath who acted like he hated me most of the time.

He clutched me tighter, pulling me up to my toes. I inhaled him, smelling the wind and rain from his skin, and for a brief moment, I was home.

“You shouldn’t go.” “I want to,” I lied. “And he asked me.” Dismissing him, I turned to my work. Jared came up behind me as I tried to look busy sorting my papers. “Has he been on your mind, Tate?” His breath fanned my hair. Placing both hands on either side of me, locking me in, he taunted me. “Do you want him? Or is it me you dream of?”

“So, Terrance . . .” The idiot girl acted like she didn’t know my name. “You didn’t go and give your Homecoming date a black eye, did you? He can barely see. You should really stop beating up on guys or people will start thinking you’re a dyke.” She was trying to bait me, but I was at a loss. I had no idea what she was talking about. Someone had given Madoc a black eye since I’d seen him at lunch? “She didn’t give Madoc a black eye. I did.” Jared walked past her and opened the door, now not sparing either of us eye contact.

Well, this definitely wasn’t some joke between the two of them, then. Madoc was interested in spending a little time with me, and that drove Jared crazy. I let out a hard laugh. I wasn’t interested in Madoc. But, if it bugged Jared, I might be interested in having a little fun, after all. Slipping in my ear buds, I spent the rest of the afternoon in a great mood.

He lifted my tank top to just under my bra, and his fingers grazed my skin while he stared down at me. “You’re so beautiful.” One corner of his mouth turned up with a small, thoughtful smile. My heart beat faster when his lips dipped to my stomach.

“Jared,” I breathed out, trying to get control of myself. “Don’t stop me, Tate. Please baby, don’t stop me.”

“What are you doing?” Oh, my God. That felt awesome. If I weren’t so embarrassed, I would grab him by the hair to keep him there. He cocked his head to the side, figuring out something in his head. “You’re a virgin,” he stated quietly. Yep, I guess I made it kind of obvious now. But before I could feel self-conscious about my lack of experience, he kissed my inner thighs, sending me reeling again. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“Races aren’t important, Tate,” he said against my lips. “There’s nowhere else I want to be than with you.” I think my heart skipped a beat, and a lump formed in my throat. I felt the exact same way. But I needed to cool down. Things moved too fast, and I still didn’t trust him.

I barely made it inside the house before I broke down. No more. I slid down the door after I’d locked it and cried at his cruelty and my stupidity. Had I really been ready to give him my virginity a couple of hours ago? I banged my head once lightly against the door, but it didn’t help erase the blow to my pride. Jared didn’t deserve me, but with little effort, he’d almost gotten me. No more.

fork was paused in midair, and she stared at me expectantly. I cared about Jared. A lot. But what good did it do me? “Yes,” I sighed. “But he doesn’t care about me, K.C. Just leave it alone.”

Noticing something stuck to the tree trunk, I walked away from my dispersing neighbors and ripped the sheet of paper from its staple. Yesterday lasts forever. Tomorrow comes never. Until you.

“Because life’s a bitch, that’s why.” He gave me a bitter smile and looked away. “Last year, after you left for France, I went a little crazy. I drank and got into a lot of fights. Madoc and I both had a ball for a while. I hated that you were gone, but I’d also found out that Jax had been transferred to another foster home after the last family had hit him. It was a bad time.”

He ran a hand through his hair and inched away from me to lean on the railing. “When I finally got home that summer, you were my first thought. Well, other than doing what I could to help Jax. I had to see you. My mom could go to hell. All I wanted was you. I loved you.”

Silent tears streamed down my face, and Jared walked up to me and cupped my cheeks with his hands. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know I can make this up to you. Don’t hate me.” I shook my head. “I don’t hate you. I mean I’m a little pissed, but mostly I just hate the wasted time.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. “You said you loved me. I hate that we lost that,” I said sadly.

He put a hand to my face and guided my eyes to his. “We never lost that. As much as I tried, I could never erase you from my heart. That’s why I was such an asshole and kept guys away from you. You were always mine.” “Are you mine?” I asked as I wiped my tears. He kissed the corners of my mouth softly, and I felt heat rise up my neck. “Always have been,” he whispered against my mouth.

“I love you, Tate.” He lay back on the bed, and I fell with him, clutching him tight. We stayed there, just holding each other, until I felt the steady rise and fall of his chest telling me he was asleep.

I left a trail of soft kisses along his neck and jaw, and I heard him suck in a breath when my tongue darted out to taste his skin again. “I love you, Jared,” I murmured in his ear.

“I love you,” he said before he slipped inside of me. “Ahhh . . . ,” I gasped loudly, and my body went rigid and still. Jared stopped and leaned back to look at me. He was breathless and flushed as he gazed at me with care and love.

He leaned down and kissed my lips after our bodies had calmed down. “You were really a virgin.” He wasn’t asking. “Yeah,” I replied weakly. “I haven’t had much of a dating life, you know?” Rising up to hover over me, Jared kissed me on the cheeks and forehead. “So you’re truly mine.” His voice was husky. Always. I told myself but opted for my usual sarcasm when I responded. “Only so long as you can keep me happy.”

Rolling us over, so I lay on top of him, he ran his hand up and down my back. “Don’t fall asleep,” he commanded. “I can make you happy again in about five minutes.”

“I messed with you more than he asked me to, because I wanted him to react. He’s never been a particularly happy guy, and I was sick of his brooding. He went ballistic after you left for France, and I figured out that his destructive behavior had something to do with you. Like he was lost without you or something. So, I decided to try to make him jealous when you got back and see what happened.”

“Sorry that took so long. My mom was giving me a talk.” Madoc came to my other side and held out his arm for me to take, which I did. “About?” I pressed, a little nervous about what kind of parenting Katherine was doing today. “About not getting you pregnant,” he whispered without looking at me.

“Totally. This is the start of a great friendship.” I jostled Madoc’s arm playfully. “It could be the start of a great porno, too,” Madoc deadpanned, breaking into laughter. “Son of a bitch! You’re going to get it tonight,” Jared threatened, and I shook my head laughing.

“God, Tate. Your dress should be burned.” His mouth was hot on my ear as he started sucking the lobe. “Why?” I asked, the desire burning down below making it almost too hard to concentrate. He laughed against my neck. “Every fucking guy has been looking at you tonight. I’m going to get arrested.”

“And the lantern on your arm?” “Oh, you ask too many questions,” Jared complained playfully, and I could tell he was embarrassed. But I waited, not letting him off the hook. He pinned me with a resigned smile. “The lantern is you, Tate. The light.

We both picked one thought that would get us through the day. A dream or a desire . . .” he shook his head and trailed off. His confession made me breathless. He had thought of me every day? “Me?” I asked. He gazed down at me and stroked my cheek with his thumb. “It’s always been you.” He used my words, and I couldn’t swallow for the lump in my throat. “I love you, Tate.” Jared looked at me like I was the most important thing in his world.

“Fuck, Tate.” Jared clenched his jaw, taking in the sight in front of him. And he pulled my lips to his again, devouring almost every part of me with his mouth and hands. “I’m sorry. I want to go slow with you. It’s just so hard. Do you think in ten years I’ll finally get to where I’ll actually need foreplay to get hard with you?”

“You’re perfect. Perfect for me.” He ran his hands up and down my thighs.

“I love you more than myself, more than my own family, for Christ’s sake. I don’t want to take another step in this world without you next to me,” he said softly.

He ran a hand through his hair again, and I could see the worry lines on his forehead. “You have every right not to trust me, Tate. I know that. My fucking heart is ripping open right now. I can’t stand the way you’re looking at me. I could never hurt you again. Please . . . let’s try to fix this together.” His voice cracked, and his eyes were red.

“I see that look in your eye.” Jared looked down at me and spoke gently. “It’s the look you get when you want to bolt. The look you get right before you decide to stay and fight.” “What am I fighting for?” I challenged, my voice hoarse. He frowned. “We did nothing wrong, Tate.”

Jared had parked in front of me, and I cringed when I saw the damage I’d done to his car. Shit. If he was, in fact, guilty, then screw him and his dumb car. But if he was innocent, then I didn’t even want to think about how mad my dad was going to be when he saw the bill for repairs. “Is . . . um. . . .is your car safe to drive?” I asked timidly. A tired smile tugged at his lips. “Don’t sweat it. It gives me an excuse to do more upgrades.”