If This Is Love

by Jewel E. Ann

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Ruthie said it meant the opposite. “The bonds we make by choice are stronger than the bonds of family (the water of the womb).”

I love Milo Odell. Maybe one day I’ll marry him. But I’ll wait to tell him my thoughts about our future.

“What do you see when you look at me?” I whisper before risking another glance up at him. “My grave, Indie.” He shoves half the sandwich into my hand and brushes past me. “I see my fucking grave.”

But your touch is still on my skin. I wonder if a day will come when I don’t feel your touch?” I laugh a little, and it’s a pain in the pit of my stomach. “I hope so because it hurts.”

“Indie girl … I’m gonna kiss you. And it’s not gonna change anything, but it’s gonna mean everything. Okay?”

“You’re the sun … so fucking bright, blindingly beautiful.” Milo kisses up my neck to my jaw, my cheek, and back to my mouth.

“If I could go anywhere in the world, Indie … it would be inside of you.”

“But you will be mine,” she says. I’m not sure I’m hearing her correctly, but then she glances back at me. “You will marry Jolene, but you will never be hers.”

“Indiana Ellington … I love you too.” With a single blink, a tsunami of tears surges down my face. If this is love, then love is overrated. No. It’s flat-out cruel.

“Sometimes, happiness is fleeting. But I can now say that when I die, I’ll have known that feeling. I’ll remember how it felt to be home, if only for a few breaths. I’ll remember it forever; I’ll remember you forever.”