If This Is Love

by Jewel E. Ann

“What do you see when you look at me?” I whisper before risking another glance up at him. “My grave, Indie.” He shoves half the sandwich into my hand and brushes past me. “I see my fucking grave.”

But your touch is still on my skin. I wonder if a day will come when I don’t feel your touch?” I laugh a little, and it’s a pain in the pit of my stomach. “I hope so because it hurts.”

“Indie girl … I’m gonna kiss you. And it’s not gonna change anything, but it’s gonna mean everything. Okay?”

“Are you really giving me a lecture on self-worth, Indie?” I turn and stomp the rest of the way to my car. “Yes. I am. Thanks to you, I have less self-worth than anyone right now, so I’m a bit of an expert on it.”

“I don’t want to be your moral boundary,”

“If I could go anywhere in the world, Indie … it would be inside of you.”

“But you will be mine,” she says. I’m not sure I’m hearing her correctly, but then she glances back at me. “You will marry Jolene, but you will never be hers.”

I close my eyes and claim every part of him before Jolene. And one day … I will tell her I had him first.

Milo rubs his middle finger and ring finger along his lower lip a few times before sucking them into his mouth and humming. If you ever stick those fingers inside her, I will cut them off.

“I’ve fucked your husband … more than once. I know what he feels like inside me. And he knows what I taste like. And you can’t wish that away, no matter how much of a total entitled princess bitch you try to be today. So remember … I had him first. And since we’ll be one big family … don’t fucking turn your back or blink because there will never come a day that his dick doesn’t get hard when I walk into a room.” I bare my teeth and tap on one of them. “And uh … you have lipstick on your teeth. You’re welcome.”

She’s pissed off, but for the wrong reasons. But one day, she’ll really see Milo and love him because it’s impossible not to love Milo Odell. When that day comes, she will think of me and live the rest of her life never knowing if he loves her back—always wondering if he loves me more. And that will plague her for eternity.

That’s for the dress. The green makeup. The ass-wiping. The bangs. Every degrading comment. Every condescending look. Every reminder that I’m not real family. And Milo. That’s for taking the only thing in life that matters to me. Literally … break a fucking leg, bitch.