If This Is Love

by Jewel E. Ann

Grandma Hill always frowns. Fletcher calls it “resting bitch face.”

The young woman I’ve become has raging hormones. They don’t care that I’m eighteen and he’s twenty-six.

Um..that is a huge gap at their ages!

“You’re still in high school, and he’s twenty-six. Yeah, it matters.”

Happiness is as much an illusion as the intimacy of the sun setting.

Ruthie had all the money in the world, but she didn’t need it or any makeup to be beautiful. Her beauty came from within and shined brighter than the Texas sun. You can’t fake that kind of beauty, but Pauline and Jolene try.

“When you love someone, they are your home. As long as you’re with them, you can live anywhere.”

“Indiana Ellington … I love you too.” With a single blink, a tsunami of tears surges down my face. If this is love, then love is overrated. No. It’s flat-out cruel.

If this is love, why is it wrong? If this is love, why can’t we be together? If this is love, why does it hurt my heart so much? If this is love … I don’t want to live without it. Without him.

“Sometimes, happiness is fleeting. But I can now say that when I die, I’ll have known that feeling. I’ll remember how it felt to be home, if only for a few breaths. I’ll remember it forever; I’ll remember you forever.”

“Life isn’t fair, Indie girl. But as long as you’re alive, it’s really fucking beautiful. As long as you’re alive, there’s a reason to open my eyes, stand up, and breathe in and out.”

And since we’ll be one big family … don’t fucking turn your back or blink because there will never come a day that his dick doesn’t get hard when I walk into a room.” I bare my teeth and tap on one of them. “And uh … you have lipstick on your teeth. You’re welcome.”

Wow That was definitely a Beth Dutton moment!

It’s not the least bit soothing, but I still chant in my head: Not my circus, not my monkeys.

When Ruthie died, it was Milo’s hand that took mine. It was he who fed me. It was his arms that held me, that made me feel safe. He didn’t carry me. He watched me stumble my way into womanhood. He didn’t give me strength; he showed me strength. When I gave him my trust, I gave him power over me.

You’re too invested in how much you’ve failed them to be able to do right by them now. I’ve got it. Think of it as ‘Jesus taking the wheel’.”