If This Is Love

by Jewel E. Ann

I love Milo Odell. Maybe one day I’ll marry him. But I’ll wait to tell him my thoughts about our future.

I feel this touch in my chest—a gentle hand squeezing my heart, but not claiming it. More of a reminder that it’s always been his.

“What do you see when you look at me?” I whisper before risking another glance up at him.

“My grave, Indie.” He shoves half the sandwich into my hand and brushes past me. “I see my fucking grave.”

I’m willing to leave it all. Fletcher. The family name. The money. All of it. Unlike you.”

love your touch. I’ve always loved your touch, Milo. For different reasons. You’ve touched me in ways I’m sure you can’t imagine, maybe in ways you never intended. Your arms absorbed the grief I felt after Ruthie died. Your fingers have wiped so many tears from my face. Each swipe is like a salve to my soul, healing it with something as simple as a touch.

But your touch is still on my skin. I wonder if a day will come when I don’t feel your touch?” I laugh a little, and it’s a pain in the pit of my stomach. “I hope so because it hurts.”

“Indie girl … I’m gonna kiss you. And it’s not gonna change anything,

but it’s gonna mean everything. Okay?”

Milo resurrects the parts of my heart that died when Ruthie left this world. He may never say the words, but I feel loved. I feel like no matter how far apart we are, part of Milo will always be with me. I will feel him forever.

“You’re my fresh air …”

“You’re the sun … so fucking bright, blindingly beautiful.” Milo kisses up my neck to my jaw, my cheek, and back to my mouth.

Milo gave me a glimpse of a life I will never have.

“If I could go anywhere in the world, Indie … it would be inside of you.”

Indiana is my death row.

Every cell in my body, every thought in my head, every fiber of my being tells me she’s mine.

“You will marry Jolene, but you will never be hers.”

My heart never chose him. It tangled with his years ago, and I’ll only get pieces of it back when this ends.

“Indiana Ellington … I love you too.” With a single blink, a tsunami of tears surges down my face. If this is love, then love is overrated.

“Do you still love me, Milo?” I grunt a laugh. “Yes, Indiana. That won’t ever change.”

Milo buries his face into my hair next to my ear and whispers, “My. Whole. World.”

“Sometimes, happiness is fleeting. But I can now say that when I die, I’ll have known that feeling. I’ll remember how it felt to be home, if only for a few breaths. I’ll remember it forever; I’ll remember you forever.”

Now, I’m doing my time; it’s just not in a prison cell.

You don’t get to leave this fucking world while I’m still in it. Do you understand?”

And if you want to burn it down, I’ll light the fucking match for you. Okay?”

but he’d better know these tears are not for him. They’re because of him.

“Milo, how long can I have you?” “As long as you need,” he says. “Forever?” I glance at him over my shoulder. “One day at a time.” “Milo.” I narrow my eyes at him. He shrugs off his shirt and unbuckles his belt, his grin larger than life. “Forever,” he mouths. I dive into the cool water. And I know without question … this is love.