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For the hard hearts in search of a tender love. May it find you in time.
“God, please just let me die.”
My chest burns, and there’s acid churning in my stomach. Lazy waves made of toxic waste lap at my ribs, caressing the shame that carved itself into my bones the first time I was sold to a stranger to pay for someone else’s debts.
Out of all the girls Beau—my abuser, my trafficker, my own private hell right here on Earth—had working under the escort service he built on my back, I was the only one who didn’t choose the path we were all on together. I’d watch girls get ready for their dates, jealous of how empowered they felt while I came back from every outing feeling small, dirty, used.
I take a step back, accepting that we can’t have this conversation here because she doesn’t feel safe being alone with me.
Honestly, I’m more than qualified. The degrees I hold in Viticulture & Enology and Hospitality and Restaurant Management plus a lifetime of watching my parents run one of California’s most successful Black owned vineyards have more than prepared me for this job. The problem is those degrees and that experience belong to someone else. Not just in name, though that’s definitely an issue because Nadia Hendrix has no degrees or relevant job experience to speak of, but also in spirit.
My shoulders slump with resignation at the same time my heart lifts with excitement. “A sixty day trial run.” Sebastian’s face splits into a wide grin. “With the option to renew.”
Getting to know an employee on a personal level is how I ended up with a wife I only talked about business with.
Talia rolls her eyes, crossing over to the kitchen and pulling a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. “You were hard, Seb. Your body was willing, but your heart wasn’t. The only thing that’s changed is that Nadia is in your life.” “She isn’t in my life.”
“You’re engaged?” There’s no way to keep the shock out of my voice. “You just had my dick in your mouth yesterday, and you’re engaged?” “Sebastian, you more than anyone, know that a ring isn’t going to stop me from fucking who I want when I want.” She’s right. The flawless diamond I put on her finger didn’t keep her from falling into bed with any and every one who caught her eye. “And for the record, I was engaged the last time your dick was inside me.” “Great, that’s great, now I’ve gone from the man you cheat on to the man you cheat with.”
“You expect me to counter this?” “Yes.” “But why? It’s already too much?” He tucks his phone into his pocket, finally done with whatever it was he was doing, and levels me with a stare I know shakes even more the most formidable business men to their core. “Because even when someone is offering you something good, you should always remind them that you deserve better.”
I’ve had a hard time wrapping my head around that. Sebastian has known Vince for his whole life. They’re blood, and I’m…I’m just the woman he almost kissed in his office. “Which part of what happened this weekend bothers you more? The violence or the fact that it was done in your name? Because I can promise you that I’ll never be violent towards you, but I can’t say that I’ll never be violent for you.”
“I knew this job was best for you.” Why did I even bother with hope? I should have known better, should have been prepared for him to reach for the example that’s literally right in front of his face. I shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. “I was broke and in desperate need of a better job. Anyone with eyes could see that.” He huffs out a dry laugh. “Right. And anyone with eyes could also see that the apartment buildings you’re looking at won’t provide the kind of security you need to feel safe.”
“You looked at those brochures for all of three seconds, how would you know what those buildings have to offer?” “Because I own them.” I throw my hands up in exasperation. “Is there anything in this town that you don’t own?”
“Is the furniture included?” I hope it is because putting together furniture with no one but Desiree for help sounds like a nightmare. Nikki’s brown eyes flit from me to Sebastian. It’s a quick glance, but I clock it just like I clocked the others. Every time I’ve asked her a question about this place specifically, she’s looked to him before answering. I guess it makes sense because The Ivy—a stately twenty-four story skyscraper in the middle of New Haven—is yet another one of Sebastian’s properties, but it’s still a little annoying.
This isn’t the conversation I should be having with my boss, with my friend, with the first man I’ve trusted in forever. It’s too risky. Because if things get fucked up—and based off of how things in my life usually go, they will—then I’ll lose all those things. I’ll lose him. That’s why I’ve been shutting him down, why I’ve been cutting our moments short. Not because I’m not ready to have the things Sebastian wants to have with me, but because I’m not ready to lose them.
There is no end to the list of things I want to have with you and give to you, chief among them is time. Time to heal. Time to trust. Time to prepare your heart for what mine wants to ask of it.”
Nadia is one of the most guarded people I know, so these random moments of vulnerability are rare. I try not to make such a big deal out of them, but it’s hard to appear unaffected by it when I’m still inside of her.
Neither of us were trying to make this happen, but it’s okay. We’re okay. You’re okay.” A shudder rolls down her spine as she pulls back to look up at me. “You’re not mad?” “No, baby, I’m not mad. How could I be? We were both in this together, weren’t we?”
