Fall with Me (Playing for Keeps #4)

by Becka Mack

I chuckle, finally letting my arms come around her while my heart patters in my chest. She feels warm, and it makes me feel warm too. I breathe her in, soak in the way she wraps herself around me, makes me feel worth a little more than I felt yesterday, the way the dark spots feel a little brighter now that I’m not sitting in them all alone.

I’ve seen her cry more than once, and it feels like someone’s ripping my heart from my chest, that the only remedy is to hand it over to her if it’ll help.

I’ve been so afraid. To let go, let someone in, give them that kind of power over me. The kind of power where you walk knowingly to the edge of the cliff, stare down at all the possibilities waiting below, a chance at a future, a home, or another person who changes their mind. Both scary, and yet you look over the edge, and something tells you to do it, to give it a chance, so you do. You take a deep breath, let go, and fall. But I don’t want to fall alone. I want her to fall with me. And if I hit the ground at full speed, splitting apart at the seams, I want to trust that she’s going to be there, tucking her hand in mine, helping me to my feet. I’m tired of getting up all on my own.

“The best thing I’ve ever gifted to myself is, by far, the way I feel with you in my arms.”

I’ll never get tired of this. Never get tired of tasting her excitement, her happiness. Never get tired of the warmth that rushes through me when she kisses me like I’m the air she needs to breathe. Never get tired of the feeling in my chest, the way it pulls taut, like there isn’t an ounce of space left inside me, because when she’s in my arms, I feel full. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, even if I’ve pretended I didn’t, and for once in my life, I feel like I’m

Lennon is mine. My best friend, the hand in mine, the weight lifted off my chest. She’s the sunrise when I spent too many years in the dark, and breathing easier for the first time since I was a kid.

“Where did you come from? How did you walk into my world out of nowhere and knock it off its axis? I took one look at you and started falling, terrified every damn moment, from the top right down to the bottom. But you were there. You were always there, honey.” I press my lips to hers, tasting her tears. “Thank you for falling with me. I don’t think I could’ve survived falling alone.”

“I love you, Lennon. And I’ve wanted love for a long time. But I didn’t know it would be like this. I didn’t know it would be infinitely better than the very best things my imagination conjured up. Being with you feels like the first time I looked through your telescope. It feels like seeing fifty million stars when I’d only ever been able to see ten thousand. It feels like an impossible rainbow of lights dancing through a black night. Like a storm that’s been living for hundreds of years, and meteors falling from the sky. Love feels like looking at you and not understanding how something as beautiful as everything you are exists, but just accepting that it does, because a world without you means a world without light.”

“Life’s been beautiful since you walked into it, Lennon. Doesn’t matter what it looks like, because through it all, I’m only gonna be looking at you.”