Fall with Me (Playing for Keeps, #4)

by Becka Mack

“Look at me,” I demand, but she shakes her head. “Lennon.” “You’re gonna fall in love with me.” I snort a laugh, my grip on her hips tightening. “Okay.” “It’s true. I saw it in your eyes. You’re an open book.”

How can you hate someone who’s hiding all this adorable beneath his arrogant, blasé exterior?

But it’s the sparkle in her brown eyes, the way they seem to come more and more alive the more I give her, that’s what gives me this strange sense of pride. Someone wants to know me, and the more she learns, the more she seems to want to stay. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that before.

I’m not generally a self-conscious person, but being cheated on certainly has a way of bringing all your perceived flaws to the forefront of your mind, of making you feel more worthless of love than you’ve ever, ever felt.

“Lennon?” He pauses in his door, right before I can shut mine. “I think you’re funny and cool and you’re definitely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my entire life. You’re also strong and brave, and nobody is worth you feeling worthless.”

Jaxon is . . . living. Fresh air. An endless sky dotted with possibilities. He’s the deep breath before a scary step, the thundering of your pulse as you close your eyes and jump. He’s life beyond four suffocating walls, where stepping outside is like seeing in color for the first time.

“The line that marks my before and after. I met you during the worst time in my life, and everything that’s come since you has been so much better.

“This is my favorite day, and it’s because of you.”

“You give me a lot of you, Lennon. I think I admire that about you. Shitty things have happened, and instead of holding them in and letting them eat you from the inside out, you talk about them. I think that gives you some sort of power of the situation, you know? Anyway, I just …” He shifts his beanie up, runs his fingers through his hair. “I wanted to give you some of me too. And that story … I haven’t shared it with anyone but the therapist I saw back then. I’ve never wanted to share it with anyone. Until …” The single word is left unsaid, hanging heavy in the air between us. You. Until you.

there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that this man sees me. He hears me. He knows me. He makes me feel happy. Safe. Valued. He makes me feel capable.

If there’s only one thing in this apartment that makes it feel like home, it’s Lennon.

I’m looking at her like . . . I’m looking at her like she’s the sunset, and I’m seeing it in color for the very first time.

I didn’t know what I was missing before her. Not really. It’d been so long since I felt like I really belonged anywhere. Since I’d really, truly allowed myself to be happy. There was no choice when she came along. All that happiness? It just . . . was. It existed, and I lived in it.

“You deserve to have the things you love most at the tips of your fingers, honey.” My gaze follows hers, watching the stars dance around us. “This is for the cloudy days. The rainy days and the cold days. The lazy days better spent in bed, and the days I keep you there, if you’ll let me.”

But I don’t want to fall alone. I want her to fall with me.

“Because you’re . . . you’re everywhere. My kitchen, my couch, my bed. My head. Fuck, honey, you’re running around up there all damn day, and I can’t think straight.”

“Looking at you, knowing you exist in my world, that you could be mine one day and gone the next, is the most overwhelming thing I’ve ever felt.”

Logic rarely ever wins when shattered hearts are involved.

“You are worth every heartache.”

“The best thing I’ve ever gifted to myself is, by far, the way I feel with you in my arms.”

“I’m not asking you to change,” she whispers. “That’s the last thing I want. I feel really sad for you that you think so little of yourself. That all these years, you’ve missed out on the incredible person you are, the person we all know and love. The only thing I’m waiting for, Jaxon, is for you to realize what we all already know, which is that you’re enough. Kind, passionate, loyal, patient, funny, sarcastic, and so damn thoughtful.” She sniffles, swiping at the tears streaming down her face, even though they just keep falling. “You’re enough, Jaxon, exactly as you stand here today. That’s what I’m waiting for you to realize.”

“I’ll wait, Jaxon. I don’t care how long. Because this? This is a once-in-a-lifetime feeling. You’re a once-in-a-lifetime find. I’m not walking away.”

“You don’t get to show up here after all the ways you failed her and act like you deserve any place in her life,” Jaxon tells him, the quiet words firm and final. “You had one job in your relationship, and it was to love her. You failed. You failed to respect her, to listen to her, to root for her. You failed to be her friend, and you failed to be her partner. Day after day, you fucking failed her. And you don’t get to show up here now and pretend like you deserve even the consideration of a second chance.”

Except it feels a lot like they’re hugging a twelve-year-old boy who lost his best friend, and somewhere along the way, himself. For the first time in my life, I don’t have to hold myself up. And nothing has ever wanted to make me fall to my knees more.

“Here it is, honey. I love you. I am so goddamn, mind-blowingly in love with you, and the thought of losing you is killing me. I don’t want you to go. This place only feels like a home when you’re here.” I whisper my final plea. “Please, honey. Please stay.”

“There is no one alive who could love me better than you do, Jaxon. You love me the way I always dreamed of being loved. The way I deserve to be loved. And I’m going to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“Thank you for falling with me. I don’t think I could’ve survived falling alone.”

Being with you feels like the first time I looked through your telescope. It feels like seeing fifty million stars when I’d only ever been able to see ten thousand.

Kissing Lennon is like that first sip of coffee on a cold winter morning. She’s everything warm and rich, this cozy feeling that sinks into your bones, settles all your racing thoughts.

“Do you know what I feel when I look at the stars? I feel love. I feel at peace. I feel at home, honey. That’s what I found in the stars. I found my home.”

Because life is too short to hold grudges, and if I’ve learned anything, it’s that hurt people are desperate enough that they’ll do whatever they think they need to do to ease the pain, that we’re all just out here doing the best that we can, wherever we are in life.