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I hook a finger under her chin. “When you’re on my arm, I only plan on calling you mine.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re so full of yourself.” “Someone’s gotta be.” Amusement dances in his eyes as he watches me drain my drink in four consecutive guzzles before he signals Luis for another round. “What’s your name?”
“Can’t be more than five-three, and I’m a betting man.” Damn it. Bang on. “And what are you betting on?” “I’m betting on you—being a lightweight and spilling your deepest, darkest secrets.” “Well, bet again.” He’s totally fucking right. I’ve never been
“If you were my bride, my fingertips would be imprinted in your waist, because I’d never be able to let you
“No,” she whispers. “I’ve had slow. Fuck me like I’m the reason your date left you here.”
She relaxes into her seat, pops her feet up on the plexiglass, tosses a handful of—oh gross, are those M&Ms and Skittles?—into her mouth, shares a quick look at her friends, and winks. “We know.”
Because there’s always someone better. Someone funnier, someone smarter, someone kinder. Someone who just fits, and every time I think that someone is going to be me, I’m wrong. I’m already the odd man out, the one trying to fill the minuscule spaces left in their group. But what if Lennon can do it better?
“Never met a single one that did a thing for me. I find most of them entirely . . .” Her eyes move over me. “Underwhelming.”
Jaxon doesn’t need to know I was only crying because I had just realized—knee-deep in Red (Taylor’s Version)—that Taylor Swift will, one day, stop making music, and I’ll no longer have a soundtrack to my life.
“Lennon?” He pauses in his door, right before I can shut mine. “I think you’re funny and cool and you’re definitely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my entire life. You’re also strong and brave, and nobody is worth you feeling worthless.”
but didn’t realize a second taste would have me trying to figure out how I can make you my breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the rest of my life.” His mouth pauses at my ear, sending shivers scattering through me. “Eating well is the key to a happy life, after all.” “Jesus,” I whimper. “Not Jesus,” he murmurs. “But I guess this is my second coming.”
His thumb puts pressure on a place no one’s ever touched, one Ryne begged for access to, and when I moan, leaning back into it, Jaxon chuckles. “You want it all,” he murmurs, “and I just want whatever you’re willing to give me.”
“Go on, honey. Take back the power he stole from you.”
“Then we try. A little bit at a time.” “And if I don’t like it?” He tilts his head. “Then we stop, Lennon. No matter what, no matter when. You say stop, we stop.”
my clit. I’m drenched, soaking his cock, and when his fingers are good and drenched with me, I swallow the uncertainty, guiding his hand around to my ass. Broad fingertips slip over the hole he touched earlier, and his eyes come to mine. “Sure?”
possibilities. He’s the deep breath before a scary step, the thundering of your pulse as you close your eyes and jump.
“It’s doing something bad to me, honey.” “What?” “Makin’ my brain scream mine
I’m not a jealous man, but . . . fuck it, I’m a little jealous.
“Holy tits,” Lennon murmurs suddenly, breathless. “Both holes at once? His cock and the vibrator? Oooh, girl. I’m jealous.” She snaps upright, pausing in her chopping. “Not the clit sucker too. Jesus fuck, Audrey, how are you gonna walk out of here?”
I want to find an empty room, get on my knees, and ruin that perfect, composed image.
“Bend me over, slap my ass, and fuck the feminist right out of me, you know?”
Yep, that’s us. I bet you’re wondering how we got here.
Can you make me a latte please? Somebody needs to stay up all night and teach you a lesson for being a bad boy.
Because one moment I’m standing here, and the next I’m being held up by nine people who don’t have to support me but are choosing to anyway. And it’s a staggering, powerful feeling I’m terrified to lose.
want to enjoy the little moments along the way, small lines in the sand that mark the beginning of a new change, a new after. Jaxon making me see stars on my honeymoon. Jaxon making his home nut-safe when he didn’t know I was watching. A handwritten guide on how to make my favorite coffees with the world’s most complicated espresso machine, Timbit cereal because I can’t eat real Timbits, my favorite flowers on Valentine’s Day, extra shelf space in the shower, the heating turned up, and a step stool in the kitchen.
A heart that has no right hoping for a future with a man who once told me he’d planned to avoid living with a woman for the rest of his life.
Netflix already on and waiting for me. Tiny, snack-size boxes of cereal on the coffee table. One bowl of Smarties, one of mini Sour Keys. A heating pad, and Jaxon Riley, NHL bad boy, walking toward me, a steaming mug in his hand. He sinks to the couch, and I can’t breathe. “What are you doing here?” “I live here.”
“Why did your parents name you Lennon?” “Why else does anyone call their kid Lennon? My mom was obsessed with John Lennon, and my dad was obsessed with her.” Jaxon chuckles. “That’s it, eh? End of story?” “Man obsessed with woman is always the end of the story.”
“Just that Ryne is a piece of shit. An agreeable version of you who sits quietly by, blending in instead of standing out, isn’t my Lennon.”
“You had your thighs wrapped around my head when you said it, and all I could think was that my perfect life would be one where I spent the rest of it with you riding my face.”
“Mmm. Don’t know if I like you in your shorts more, or my pants. One screams easy access.” My throat dries. “And the other?”
“The other screams mine.”
“Period or no period, Lennon. I’m always fucking turned on by you.”
But I don’t want you to feel ashamed for something that’s natural. Make yourself feel good however you want to, and don’t let words somebody never should’ve spoken take up space in your head. He’s not worth it.”
It used to be uncomfortable at first, take me a minute or two to adjust to the fullness. Now I chase it, crave it. A second finger brushes at my entrance.
“I didn’t . . . I mean, I just wanted to give you something that you . . . that you like. That you wanted. And I wanted you to know . . . it’s never too late to chase the dreams you had when you were a kid.” He grips my neck as I fuse my mouth to his. “Just to be sure, because I’ve been called a lot of things, but never a line . . . Being your line, it’s a good thing, right?”
If there’s only one thing in this apartment that makes it feel like home, it’s Lennon. But she’s temporary, like everything else in my life. Even she just said it. The best I can do is remember it. I swallow, looking away. “Right.”
Lennon is smiling at the camera, and I’m smiling at Lennon. Jesus, smiling isn’t the right word, is it? It’s not enough. I’m looking at her like . . . I’m looking at her like she’s the sunset, and I’m seeing it in color for the very first time.
For getting attached to someone I can’t keep.
The kind of way where, one day, this can’t be repaired. This friendship can’t be salvaged, and I lose everything, because I lose all of her. Because if I only have so long in the same city with Lennon, I’d rather we be able to coexist in a place where I can see her smile, hear her laugh, even if it’s not with me, rather than be the one responsible for breaking her heart down the road when I eventually fuck this up and she realizes she’s better off without me.
I pick up the linen sheets, pulling them over the mattress, tossing the pillowcases on, and when I stand back, I hate it. But I fall into bed anyway, because the last thing I want to do is fall into love.
“My only hope for my family is that they don’t let go of the people who make them feel like the whole world is suddenly at their feet. The people who come into their life and suddenly renew the one thing they’d lost, even if they never realized they’d lost it.”
But I don’t want to fall alone. I want her to fall with me.
“Looking at you, knowing you exist in my world, that you could be mine one day and gone the next, is the most overwhelming thing I’ve ever felt.”
“You are worth every heartache.” Funny thing is, for the first time ever, with her
“The best thing I’ve ever gifted to myself is, by far, the way I feel with you in my arms.”
“You’re the only person whose opinion of yourself matters, Jaxon. Stop worrying about being enough for other people. Be enough for yourself.”
When they land on me, a heartbreaking smile blooms, spreading like wildfire across the most handsome face I’ve ever held between these two hands. “Hi, honey,” Jaxon murmurs,
“Maybe, but don’t sell yourself short. She’s so comfortable demanding it with you because you give it to her without question. With you, she continues to elevate. That’s the way it should be when you find the right person.”
I have everything I’ve ever wanted, even if I’ve pretended I didn’t, and for once in my life,
