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“Of course Jaxon’s number sixty-nine.”
Also, my gran’s sent me a photo of herself sprawled out on her living room floor, one hand over her forehead, eyes closed, with a text that says, Me, post–heart attack after your fight. Her dark sense of humor never ceases to amaze me.
“How are your balls?” Rosie asks, offering me a deep-fried pickle from her plate. “Thank you for asking. Nobody ever does.”
“My gran thinks the sun shines outta my ass, Len, and I think it just might.”
“In case that wasn’t clear enough, that’s a fuck no, fuckboy.”
Today is going to be a terrible, awful, shit-ass day.
“I’m calling it.” “Calling what?” Another mini cupcake. “Lennon, at the end of the season, wearing your last name on her back.”
“You fucked her even though she was wearing Crocs?” Carter shakes his head. “You’re a goner.”
“Goodbye, peanut butter,” he murmurs, dropping the jar in the trash. “Goodbye, honey-roasted nuts. Goodbye, white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.” He pulls out a box of Reese’s Puff cereal, and this giant, grown-ass man before me actually fucking whimpers. “Goodbye, sweet, sweet heaven.”
“What are you doing?” “Hugging you. That’s what the girls said to do.” “What?” “I texted the girls. They said you probably needed a hug, so I’m hugging you.”
“You texted your girlfriends for advice because I’m crying?” “I don’t know how to do tears.”
“You said you’d been shot!” “Did you hear a fucking gunshot, Lennon?”
“And according to our group chat, they’re my Coochie Gang.”
Hiccups. Like Dad always says, ‘Life throws you curveballs. You have to learn how to knock ’em out of the park’.”
“You wanna be part of this friend group, you better be willing to get on board with a lot of weird shit.”
“Well, excuse the fuck out of me for taking an interest in your books and offering to make you two kinds of waffles.”
“We love a confident king!”
“What are you doing, you donkey?”
“It’s book club,” Olivia tells me. “Audio version. My first sapphic romance! I’m obsessed.”
With two fingers, she points at her eyes, then us, and whispers, “The Coochie Gang sees all.”
“Listen, if Mitts is gonna be Mr. Worldwide, we’ll have to make sure the fame doesn’t go to his head. You know what can happen to a cat with unsupervised access to fame. I won’t let him be a statistic.”
“Not Jesus,” he murmurs. “But I guess this is my second coming.”
“I’m such a slut for displays of violence, and I don’t even know why. And when Emmett comes home with a black eye or a split lip?” She whistles. “Bend me over, slap my ass, and fuck the feminist right out of me, you know?”
“Did she just full-name him?” Lennon whispers. “She just fucking full-named him,” Jennie murmurs.
“Star Command, can you hear me? It’s Buzz Lightyear. Jaxon’s throwing a hissy fit; we might need backup.”
Yep, that’s us. I bet you’re wondering how we got here.
Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? Being part of a family built from the ground up, where people choose you day in and day out? Because one moment I’m standing here, and the next I’m being held up by nine people who don’t have to support me but are choosing to anyway.
“I don’t know all the answers when it comes to life and love. In fact, statistically, my answers are almost always wrong. I’ve always gone with the flow, and in the end it brought me my two greatest blessings. But what I do know is that life is too short to spend it thinking you’re better off alone.”
“His name rhymed with fart, Jaxon.”
I danced to “Bye Bye Bye” by NSYNC in front of twenty thousand people. Honestly, I don’t want to talk about it.
“Why do you like me best?” “’Cause everyone else is always so happy and perfect, but sometimes you’re grumpy and sad, and it makes me feel like it’s okay to be grumpy and sad. I’m tired of pretending I’m always happy like everyone else.”
“Welcome to the dark side, Jaxon. After tonight, you’ll be a member of the Coochie Gang for life.”
Carter added you to a group chat. Carter changed the group chat name to Real Hot Girl Shit.
Stop worrying about being enough for other people. Be enough for yourself.”
Sweet baby Jesus, my soul has left my body.
“I think the fuck not, darling.”
“Did you hear that, buddy? Daddy called me Mommy. You’ll never get rid of me now. I have a child to look after.”
“That’s exactly what we’re gonna do, buddy. We’re gonna peel back those layers on our favorite onion boy one by one, and we’re gonna love every one of them, aren’t we? Yes, we are, marshmallow. Yes, we are!”
“You know what? Actually, yeah, I do wanna say something. You can want some space. You’re entitled to it. But you’re one of my best friends, and I consider you my family. Not only does it hurt when you ignore my calls and messages, but it makes me worry.”
“Need some space? Cool. Take ten seconds to text me back and let me know you’re safe and you’ll contact me when you’re ready. I know you’re going through it right now, Jaxon, and I know you think you have to do it alone. But you don’t. So if you don’t wanna talk, that’s okay. I’ll sit beside you in silence so you know you’re not alone. That’s what family does.”
“Oh my God,” Carter breathes out, shaky and barely audible over the thud of my pulse. “It’s happening,” he whispers. “Britney’s Bitches . . . assemble.”
“We’re all scared of things,” Carter murmurs. “It’s what you do with that fear that matters. You can spend your life pushing away the people who want to love you because you’re afraid one day you’ll lose them. Or you can cling to it. The love, the happiness, that full feeling that makes you realize how truly empty you were before them. Life is hard enough as it is. There’s no reason for any of us to do it alone.”
“At the end of the day, the only person you need to be enough for is you. But for what it’s worth, you’ve always been enough for us too.”
“Riley is officially back on the ice tomorrow, thank fucking fuck.”
“Jaxon, we can’t do this without you. We’ve missed you. Now for the love of God, take care of your head. This team isn’t a team without you. We love you, buddy.”
“You know what they say. One woman’s anklet is the right man’s necklace.”
“Can you get out of my space? I can’t shake my ass when you’re crowding me like this!”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I gesture at Mittens when Lennon startles, rolling over to look at me. “He needs a hat, Lennon. It’s a summer photoshoot, the sun is shining, and he’s in a bikini! He’s fair-furred! Make it make sense!”
