Top Secret

by Sarina Bowen

“You know what I think?” he says suddenly. “I think you need to justify us. Like you’re not a hundred percent okay with getting it on with a guy. And if I tell you we’re more than sex, you’ll feel better.” “That’s not true,” I protest. And get out of my brain. “I’m sort of scary to you, and you need to shape it into something that’s more familiar. But it won’t ever work.” “And why’s that?” He flops down on my bed with a sigh. “I’m going to put this into terms that you can understand.” “This better be good.” “You’re a yellow lab.” “I’m…what?” “A dog. A big, happy dog chasing Frisbees on the beach with his pals. You’re a pack animal.” I snort. “And you’re…a pit bull?” “Not even. I’m a tomcat in the alley,” he says. “Just passing through. No collar. Not very friendly. No good at catching Frisbees…” “I get it. Jesus.” It’s not the worst analogy. Although I think Luke secretly wants to be a dog and join the pack. He won’t admit it. But the guy rushed a fraternity, for fuck’s sake. He claims it was the cheapest way to find a place to live. But I call bullshit. Luke won’t admit all the things that he wants. Who am I to criticize, though? A guy who willfully ignored his attraction to men for many years can’t go around pointing out other people’s ignorance. Instead, I lay down on the bed beside him and run a thumb across his forehead, smoothing out his brow. He closes his eyes. Tomcat my ass.