Top Secret

by Sarina Bowen

It helps that her father owns a helicopter that can accommodate her monthly treks. I’m not one to judge, though. My dad has his own jet.

His father runs a multinational pharmaceutical company, so he fits the wealth criteria.

well damn

“Dumb” and “selfish” will definitely be the descriptors I use if I decide to run a smear campaign against Mr. Jockface. “Seriously hot” also works, although it kills me to admit that.

The screen shimmies. You’re a match, hot stuff, the app tells me. “Aw, shucks,” I say aloud, because I like my apps to flatter me.

So you want a guy for a threesome but it weirds you out to chat me up on an app? How’s that gonna play out for you on the gf’s birthday? You could—gasp—see my actual dick.

Oh, did I mention I’m a stripper?

I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen? I’ll have an orgasm? Jeez, the terror.

“We have a Phase III trial going on right now for a diabetes medication. It works by tricking your metabolism into speeding up while you sleep.”

oh so he’s the CEO for fantasy Eli Lilly gotcha

LobsterShorts: I’m fresh out of lobster sex facts atm. BUT…lemme tell you about sea slugs.

LobsterShorts: I swear. Look up “flatworm penis fencing.” I’ll wait.

it was an experience

Sleep tight and dream of me, baby. Or sea slugs.

Still, I’m not about to look a gift frat horse in the mouth.

SinnerThree: Okay. Jesus. Enough is enough, dude. We need to fuck. In person. Like, ASAP.

What the…? Are you fucking kidding me? “Hayworth?” I bark.

JAW ON THE FLOOR

But then I look at his face, and I know there hasn’t been a mix-up. His ears are suddenly red, and his mouth is opening and closing like a fish’s.

He made me laugh, and then I made him come? If heads blowing off were a real thing, mine would be detonating right now.

“So many uglies,” Lance says solemnly. “It’s an epidemic.”

“And I can’t even pretend that it didn’t turn me on, that it was some kind of fucked-up prank I was playing on you, because you saw how hot it made me.” His hands are clawing through his hair again. His broad chest trembles wildly. “You saw me come.”

Sinner and Luke Bailey. LobsterShorts and Keaton Hayworth. There are four people in this equation when there should only be two.

But the problem with hitting Send is, the other person still gets the message, because you fucking hit Send.

LobsterShorts: Is that a dare, Bailey?

Luke rolls off the foot of his bed and right onto the floor with a thump and an oof.

“You are seriously hot, for a muscle jock,” he mutters, kissing his way down my throat. “Proof that nothing is fair.”

“You like what you see?” I manage to mutter. “I like it way too much,” he pants.

“Marine Ecology is gonna be the shit,” Keaton says as he sorts his cards. “Excited to stock up on your animal mating rituals knowledge, huh?”

“What the fuck are you playing at?” I hiss. “With this song. Are you threatening me right now?”

There’s a naked man sprawled on my bed. Cue: minor panic attack.

I narrow my eyes at him. “Last night…it was good?” There’s a long pause. Luke’s Adam’s apple jumps as he swallows. When he speaks, his voice is slightly hoarse. “It was better than good,” he says before sliding out the door.

“You are my favorite person in the whole fucking world.” It might even be true. I just hope it’s enough for my greedy little heart.

UGHHHHHHHHHH I CANT EVEN

But then he pulls me into his arms. “Thanks for making me feel better.” “Any time.” If only you’d let me do it more often. I kiss him instead of saying it aloud.

And I’ve been on edge since Keaton brought up the “C” and “D” words. And no, I don’t mean cock and dick. I love those words. I’m talking about him asking if we’re a couple, pointing out that we’re dating.

“I’m not pissed,” he says helplessly. “I’m not pissed, because do you realize that the last time anybody remembered my birthday, let alone celebrated it, was back in high school?”

“Swear to God, can’t you just be gay? Do you have to be an academic, too? It’s like a dagger through the heart.”

LMFAO????

“I know, right? There’s a strange kind of killer whale that people have reported once in a while over fifty years. But it’s never been filmed or tagged. This expedition aims to prove that it exists.” “How is that more important than curing diabetes?” my father asks.

why is this so funny

And if I don’t cut them out completely, I’ll spend the next twenty-one years waiting for some kind of epiphany that never comes. We’re sorry. We love you. It’s embarrassing how much I want to hear that. And never will.

I can’t believe I almost got pressured into a finance internship at Hayworth Harper Pharmaceuticals. To think, I would have missed seeing the Patagonian toothfish!

And holy shit, babe, they were spectacular. I can’t even describe the experience.

BABE????? K3 YOURE CRAAAAZY

I wait for Luke to come back with something witty. Maybe tease me, or, if he’s feeling edgy, mock me about my sheer joy over seeing some whales. He does none of those things. SinnerThree: I’ve missed you.

I’m just a guy, standing on a beach in nothing but his favorite pair of lobster shorts, waiting for the right man to love me.

Now Luke is captured by Marcy, Bo’s secretary. She is clearly smitten. She pats his arm and pinches his cheek. When she hugs him, Luke looks right over her shoulder at me. Oh my God, he mouths.

CUTEEEE

“Somebody told me that missing this party would be a huge mistake.” “It’s true,” I say, my throat constricting. “It would be a damned shame.” And I don’t even know who moves first. But he’s in my arms a heartbeat later.

Nobody has ever gotten under my skin the way he does. Nobody has ever needed me the way he does. Not one person. It’s terrifying.

“I really missed you.” Four little words. So hard to say, but his quick smile makes it worth it.